Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and her daughter Jessica Thompson, is truly a must-read book. It is a parenting book that promises to rock your world! That’s my assessment after watching a 90 minute interview of Elyse Fitzpatrick on Desiring God Live.
The thing that struck me the most in watching the interview, was the author’s burden that we parent in a distinctively Christian way. She said something like this: “If your kids were transplanted into a Mormon home, would they notice anything different?” Mormons, Jews, and Muslims even, want their children to respect authority, be nice to their siblings, fit into society and grow up to be good, moral people. Is that all we’re after as Christian parents?
I thought immediately of Bryan Chapell’s point from his book Christ-Centered Preaching. He said something like: “If the sermon you preached could be equally preached in a Jewish synagogue, Mormon Tabernacle or Muslim mosque, then you didn’t preach a Christian sermon.” (I’m totally paraphrasing by the way….)
What is distinctively Christian about our parenting? Are we sending the wrong message when we chide our children for disobeying the rules claiming they should have been able to obey them? Do we expect our kids to have the power to just obey by will-power? Is that how we live the Christian life?
Fitzpatrick went on to say how there are two kinds of children, basically. Prodigals and elder brothers. The law has an effect on prodigals, it causes them to chafe and run. The law has an opposite effect on elder brother-types, the Pharisees. They enjoy the law because they can keep it, and it’s an occasion for pride to them. Both of these types of children (and there are often more than one type inside one kid), need to understand that mercy trumps judgment. Mercy is better than law. Sadly, too often, all we give either child is a healthy does of law with little idea of Christian mercy and God’s grace.
When we praise our children, too, we can subtly instill in them a love of praise and the notion that if they try hard and do well, they’ll earn favor. But this idea is antithetical to the Gospel and is NOT how God views them.
All this is from the interview, and it really makes me want to pick up this book. I highly encourage my readers to pick up a copy of it as well. For now watch the interview, it will be worth the investment of your time. Once I get the book, I hope to blog some more about the themes covered in this book.
The book just released and is available at these fine retailers: Westminster Bookstore, Christianbook.com, Amazon.com, and direct from Crossway Books.
Hi Bob! I watched the interview too. It does look to be a very good book. However, I was a bit curious as some of what Elyse said seemed to imply that they don’t always have rules that need to be obeyed. I thought that perhaps I misunderstood. However, Don Carson, in his review on the Westminster Book site, does mention that pastors and leaders will want to address that issue. I’ll begin reading the book this evening and plan to post a review in a month or so. I’m also curious as to how this title compares to “Shepherding A Child’s Heart”. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts should you read it in the future. 🙂
Thanks, Elizabeth. I have questions too, but I’m quite excited about the book. These conversations need to extend from preaching down to the parenting level.
The example of parenting in Luke 2 when Jesus stayed behind in the temple is a good place to start.
How anxious and fraught Jesus’ parents must have been, yet they communicated their concern for him in a gentle and clear, but not hostile, way. He responded by accepting their discipline and returned with them to Nazareth. Mary and Joseph took responsibility for the guidance of their son and reacted with respect not hostility. God chose for Jesus to grow to maturity through the normal processes of human development.
Good point. One additional thought in that case is at age 12, Jewish boys became treated like full adults. It was the age of “adoption” or the placing as sons. The Bar Mitzvah is similar to that.
But still, good points raised. Thanks for commenting.