Most who follow my blog know that for me to come out and name an institution and criticize it openly is not typical for me. And with the interest my recent post on Fairhaven has generated (more than 170 comments to date), I feel the need to explain myself and my own perspective on Fairhaven Baptist Church and College.
Over a period of several years, I gradually became dissatisfied with fundamentalism, and in January of 2005 I finally left the movement. 10 months later, I founded Fundamentally Reformed, as a way to share my own thoughts and walk through all the changes in my thinking. It was an online journal, and I did a bit of venting at first. (You can still read my story, here.) Writing was good for me, and in the first several months it made me face some issues and gain clarity by thinking through them and standing up to scrutiny. After my first few months of blogging, I had learned to temper my tone and I realized that I still did appreciate the good in much of fundamentalism. I continue to be thankful for fundamentalism’s zeal for truth and seriousness about Scripture.
Today, I frequently get asked for advice from people in fundamentalist churches who are awakening to some of the problems in fundamentalism. I almost never tell them to just bail ship, tuck tail and run. I have come to the conclusion that it isn’t always practical or responsible to just abandon the IFB movement and not touch it with a ten foot pole. People still have families and friends there, and sometimes they don’t know what to do. I try to encourage incremental change, and a time of prayer and evaluation. It might be wise to leave your church, it might be wise to stay and work for change. I’m happy when people stay and when they leave, and when they find another church (IFB or otherwise) that allows them to focus more on God’s grace.
But over my years of blogging, I have not apologized for speaking out against what I see as real problems in fundamentalism. And along the way, I’ve encountered literally dozens and dozens of people who have shared their stories with me, and thanked me for this blog. (You can read some of these stories here.) I have also come across stories elsewhere in other forums, I’ve reconnected with old friends on Facebook and over the phone, and I’ve been heart-broken many times at what I hear. Some people are so harmed by hyper-fundamentalism (the worst variations of fundamentalism), that they walk away from the Faith altogether. And I hope my blog helps prevent some of that, and helps people find others with similar stories who haven’t left God or Christianity, but have found a vibrant Christianity outside fundamentalism’s rigid boundaries.
Enter Fairhaven.
[As this post will get a bit long, I’m putting a “read more” link here. Click for the full post.]
I’m going to elaborate on my story here, because I think it will help people evaluate my motives in blogging about the problems at Fairhaven.
I am thankful for so many things from my time at Fairhaven. I went for four years of college plus 14 months of Master’s school. I was accepted and respected by many of my peers, and was involved in a number of ministries while at Fairhaven. Pastor Jeff Voegtlin befriended me, and I was also a helper in the junior high youth ministry since my freshman year. I studied Greek and came to respect Dan Armacost, and I rubbed shoulders with some of the other staff members. All of these men seemed serious about Christ and dedicated to the Gospel. They were trying to raise the bar when it came to education standards at the college and academy, and seemed to be true men of God. They invested in me and positively impacted me, of that I’m sure. I also had the opportunity to represent the college on ensemble one year, and mens’ quintet for two years. I had a lot of fun, learned a great deal, matured and grew through my time there. I made mistakes and was ministered to. But the best thing of all was that I met my dear wife there!
However, during my last few years at Fairhaven, I began to wake up to some of the problems there. My sophomore year is when I really should have realized something was up. I got back to the dorm and rumor had it I wasn’t going to come back. That was news to me. There was a blow up with missionaries sent out by Fairhaven, and some squabbling. Since my parents were missionaries in the same field, and since they were friends with the one who was in the wrong (per Fairhaven), they assumed I would leave. I was asked to leave or challenged to leave by some who knew me. But I just figured it was a misunderstanding and determined to think the best about it. Then Dr. Behrens left (that may have happened first, but both happened my sophomore year). I was shocked at all the dirt that was dug up on Bill Behrens in front of the congregation Sunday night, and my roommate at the time was skeptical to the extreme about it all. I thought my roommate was just exaggerating things, and again I just decided to overlook this.
As time went on, I came to realize that many of the sermons in chapel and at the church were more about the delivery style and the vigor of the preacher, than they were about Biblical content and depth. At least it seemed to me, that the sermons were pressed onto the passages of Scripture, rather than flowing from them. And the same themes seemed to dominate: salvation, character, “grit your teeth and do it”, calls for re-dedication, toe-stomping messages, and parenting. I got the best I could from the sermons and tried to keep a good attitude, but sometimes friends I respected in the dorms would also point out the lack of Scriptural basis in this sermon or that, and express dismay over this.
There was also an excessive emphasis on manliness. I remember being lectured against using hair spray or wearing pink shirts. I thought that a bit extreme, but I was a conservative kind of guy, so I didn’t let it faze me. Then there was the humiliation of the men in the college who didn’t want to wrestle in the college wrestle-off. They were publicly called “fish” and sometimes staff members or preacher Voegtlin would even declare that if you didn’t wrestle, you’d never do anything for God, or you’d never amount to much in the ministry. A close friend of mine conscientiously abstained from wrestling just to protest this excessive and errant teaching. A few others joined him. I reasoned that since I was in the youth ministry, I needed to go along and wrestle so as to set a good example, but I respected my friend for raising valid objections. Added to this, were occasions where college guys would haul off and hit someone in a college sports match, and then be applauded and lifted up as a man’s man, when in fact a true man would hold his temper and not do the easy thing and just hit someone (on a team that was not even a Christian team, no less).
I also was a bit alarmed when the staff talked about their 18 month olds and 2 or 3 year olds fighting each other with boxing or wrestling, or having long spanking sessions with them. It seemed too much.
But my biggest lesson in the Fairhaven way came my senior year. Sermons in chapel started to reference “those Masters’ students” in a negative way. We were causing trouble, asking questions (unbelievable, right?), and worse some of us were quoting John MacArthur (who doesn’t believe in the blood, mind you — according to Fairhaven). Problem was, there were only 5 or 6 of us, and sometimes only 1 or 2 of us in the chapel sessions where these things were being said. Several of us had weekly prayer meetings with key staff members, Armacost, Damron, Jeff Voegtlin, Randy Love. None of these men raised the issue with any of us directly. But the matter came up in sermons. We heard that if you quoted John MacArthur, you’d get a zero on any paper you turned in. And yet the dorm supervisor knew that one of us (a friend of mine) had been teased about having MacArthur books all four years he was there. It was in the open and known, and now all of a sudden, as it gets closer to graduation, they are alarmed about it.
So we talked with each other about this, what else are we to do? Two guys thought their books and tapes from John MacArthur’s mailing list were not being delivered to them. We felt like we were being spoken ill of on all sides with no opportunity to speak up or explain ourselves. So one day, my friend Jerry and I were dragged into Roger Voegtlin’s office. They were looking for some of the other Masters’ students but none were around. Jeff Voegtlin was there too. And then preacher had Jerry’s girlfriend (she may have been his fiance at the time) brought in as well, to observe. We were given the “what for”. We were spreading gossip and talking with each other instead of going to staff. I tried to bring up some of our valid points of contention. I talked about the mail. I talked about how Charles Finney (who denies the substitutionary atonement) was required reading while MacArthur was censored. But pretty much we just were quiet. At one point, Roger pointed at Jerry’s girlfriend and said, if you don’t stand down on this, I’ll say one word to her father and this will be over (indicating Jerry’s relationship). Needless to say we acquiesced and apologized. I’m sure we really did do something wrong, but looking back what were we expected to do? I did ask Preacher what I should tell my friend who was reading MacArthur. At that point he got upset and said he didn’t want to even talk to my friend, because if he did, he’d get mad and kick him out of college (it was the spring semester of our senior year). When I told my friend that, he started weeping because this college president was supposed to be his pastor (we were encouraged to join their church), and yet his own pastor wouldn’t even talk to him! I came away from the experience learning how to strong arm any dissent and how best to silence opposition: hold their fiance or anything else you can get, over their head! I shook my head at this story for a long time, but figured it was just a political way of doing business, just a minor thing, no big deal. I determined to think the best of Fairhaven anyway.
Then later I encountered or became aware of the Fairhaven policy of parents shunning their way-ward children. I met some who had their parents abandon them. I heard of one 19 year old locked out of his house with no advance warning. Left on the street in the cold. I heard from one who was a member at a Reformed-type church, but who since they advocated careful, moderate drinking, were still treated with disdain by their parents. Their children had never met their grandparents, and the oldest was something like 7 years old. It’s not like these were pagan people living it up in the world, they were part of an active vibrant church, from what I knew. I also saw a negligence toward parents and family and an emphasis on spending time at Fairhaven or away by your own selves as a family. A relative of mine confided in me that he was so angry over his sibling’s treatment of their family that he had given up on Baptists of any kind. I can’t even share all that was said to me, I remember how much it shocked and devastated me to realize how these oddities of Fairhaven were wreaking havoc on people and families all across the country.
Over the last few years I’ve learned of stories of what was alleged to have gone on at Fairhaven. Recently in a Facebook group that I’m a member of (I didn’t start it), I heard tales of four or maybe five different individuals recounting spanking sessions they received at the hands of their parents where the numbers of swats ranged from 70 to 300 at one time. And these individuals are not related to each other. Five different families with that level of abuse, and yet looking back the culture of Fairhaven seems to encourage that. Preacher would berate fathers who didn’t spank hard enough, or diligently enough. People would be reminded from the pulpit about their wayward children, and he’d get everyone all fired up to go out and do something. And then with Fairhaven’s past troubles with the law (an investigation into the spanking there), the government was always portrayed in the worst possible light, so no one would think of calling authorities or anything. People turned a blind eye and just let parents do what was needed to get their kids to grow up right.
I’ve heard other stories. One is worth sharing here. After a wedding, the newly married couple were walking to the reception and crossed paths with Preacher Voegtlin (who had just married them). He said something to the effect, “What do you think your chances are of having your kids turn out right?” Stunned, they didn’t know how to answer him. His reply, “You’re a _____ and you’re a _______, I’d say your chances are zero.” What kind of comment is that? Don’t you think you shouldn’t have married them then, if you really thought that way? And why can you write off people like this?
Fairhaven claims to be the best church in America. At least Preacher Voegtlin would say that often in the pulpit. People acted that way. And there was always something wrong with any other college, and any well-known names that weren’t invited to Fairhaven.
Much of what I’ve shared is hearsay. I can’t prove much of it. It’s my impression of Fairhaven. There are more damaging claims and more serious claims, and based on my history with Fairhaven, I suspect they are true (many of them). But the ethos of the place is definitely one of rigidness and a bit of hysteria. I felt it was so hard to keep going when I was there. There was a burden and everything depended on you so much. Right things were taught and preached often, but the onus was on you to get right, you to go out and reach the lost, you to tithe and give, you to just “do it”. I felt we were beaten down and then our guilt would make us fall in line, repent and keep going. Very rarely were we encouraged to lay it all at Jesus’ feet, rarely was He presented as a Lord of Grace and healing, we felt that God was distant and demanding, and only interested in what we turned in on our soul-winning and ministry slips.
These are my opinions, and may be clouded by my own experience. I think there is a problem with legalism there. There is a performance-based sanctification model. A man-centered Christianity. Powerless Preaching, and a lack of grace. Not everyone is bankrupt, there is much good there. But the power and the life is hidden and tucked away. The energy to live the Christian life is clouded by the demands to live the Christian life. There is too little teaching and too much doing. Too little encouraging, and too much judging. Too little praying for people, and too much talking about people. I hope the picture I’m painting is very misguided and wrong, but I don’t have much basis to think it is.
More than twenty years ago, Roger Voegtlin stood up on a Sunday evening and preached a very famous sermon: “Why I’m Not 100% for Jack Hyles”. For two hours he listed and detailed numerous personal stories that were shared to him, he played clips of Hyles’ sermons, and he expressed his conviction that Hyles was guilty of immorality and that the evidence was too great to be ignored. The charges against Pastor Roger Voegtlin are not as severe as Jack Hyles. But a lot of them are similar in the sense that they are based upon a large amount of personal stories and recollections. Eventually the number of the stories overwhelm you and you have to believe either there are an awful lot of good liars, or something is rotten in Denmark.
I share this story because I’m no longer on the fence. I think Fairhaven has proven itself to be a hyper-fundamentalist institution. They have avoided criticism and tried to smear those who would bring it. They have flaunted recent allegations of abuse, by the fact that for a time they had a picture of the paddle they presented to CNN on their church website. They have not issued a public statement and show no remorse. Instead they insist nothing wrong ever happened, and that everyone who would speak out against them is a liar or hates the cause of Christ. Well, I think the cause of Christ is BIGGER than Fairhaven.
The story of Fairhaven is a lesson to us all. Well-meaning religion, old-fashioned tradition, man-centered pragmatism, performance-based Christianity doesn’t work. Fairhaven is not standing for the old-time religion. They are standing against the world for their peculiar brand of Christianity. The stories told of them sound awful similar to tales of Jack Hyles, and J. Frank Norris. They represent an approach to the Christian life which is damaging and harmful.
Please, don’t abandon Christianity because of the Fairhavens of this world. Study out legalism and grace. Learn how the Gospel is for believers. Find some good Christian books (like these and these). Research for yourself on the internet the claims of arrogant pastors. Don’t just follow blindly, mindlessly obey the rules given to you, and let someone else do your thinking for you. Be wary and don’t let someone turn you against your family. And don’t glory in the fall of another, but stay focused on Jesus Christ.
Some have said that I instigated this whole thing with Fairhaven. As if I was behind the CNN report. My wife and I laughed when we heard that. I’m a spectator seeing how all this will turn out, as I don’t have too much time to devote to “the cause”. I’m not for a cause that wants to shut down Fairhaven altogether or to expose all IFB churches as harbors of abuse. And that goal is not what is behind the efforts to get the story out about Fairhaven either, from what I’ve read and seen. People are standing up to specific abuse which has been harbored in Fairhaven, and they want an apology, an admission of wrongdoing, and they hope to save some other little ones from the fate they endured. Is that so wrong?
Should this be aired in public? Well it has been. I brought the story when I knew it would be aired. People have been saying these things in other venues, and on other forums. But here at my site some have given their names and stood out in public to stand against this abuse. I applaud them. I don’t want to silence a voice that might need to be shared. Is this the best way to handle things? I don’t know, but this is definitely grass roots and I’m pretty confident that these people couldn’t all get together walk down to Fairhaven tomorrow, share their story before the church, and see any change happen. This tactic has been effective in the past, and if you don’t have anything to hide why be afraid of something like this anyway? If all you hear are ad hominem attacks and Fairhaven pointing to the failures and flaws of those speaking up, then what really is going on here? Doesn’t it seem like they’re just backpedaling as fast as they can? Slinging mud and hoping to avoid serious damage? Why aren’t they just stating their side of the story boldly, courageously and candidly? I didn’t get that impression from the CNN interview.
This isn’t about the freedom to spank. This isn’t about spanking, as any honest hearing of the CNN reports (and there were three prior to the Fairhaven report) would show. This is about a specific cover up and history of abetting abuse, and the refusal for Fairhaven to face up and apologize or admit wrongdoing.
Barring any more significant developments, I don’t intend to post on Fairhaven again. Eventually these posts won’t be on the front page of my site and will be forgotten. I have purposely tried to moderate the comments here carefully. I have not spread the story far and wide on multiple different forums where I could have brought it up. I have tried not to say more than I think I should. But right now, even if I differ with some of the perspectives, language, and tactics of those sharing their stories, I feel it is right to stand up with them as victims of abuse. I don’t want to be in any way complicit when stories such as these are coming out and there’s an opportunity to prevent anything like them from happening again.
I pray that Fairhaven takes a good internal look, and tries to purge out any wrongdoing and clamp down on parental abuse in the church. I hope more accountability and oversight can be arranged in the church structure and that steps can be taken to own up to any failures, and set a course to change for the better. Other fundamentalist institutions faced with similar problems have done this (ABWE and BJU are recent examples). I hope and pray that Fairhaven will be wise enough to follow suit. An independent investigator could be hired to look into these very real and hurtful allegations, and other such steps can be done. I say this because some don’t know that this is how other Christian fundamentalist institutions handle such public up-cries and allegations. There is a right way to handle things. I hope Fairhaven follows that path.
Bob-
Thanks for sharing this. I agree with you that there are lots of warts in Fundamentalism, but abandoning the idea to the wackos isn’t the right solution either, even if it is certainly the easiest option.
Jay
Thanks Jay. Agreed.
Thanks for writing this. I agree that it is unfortunate that this is so public. However, I do believe that publicity is the only path to real resolution and purification in this matter. I pray that we will be revived to holy living and following after God. As a former class-mate of yours, I salute your courage.
Thanks, Josh. I trust we all check our hearts in this matter, thanks for the reminder.
For the record I mentioned ABWE and BJU. I am thinking of specific allegations raised on blogs and the response ABWE (a mission board) and BJU (a university) took to those allegations. ABWE launched an independent investigation, issued an apology, and distanced themselves from the wrongdoing. BJU issued an apology and admission that their historic ban on interracial dating, among other policies, was wrong. [By the way, to my knowledge, Fairhaven still bans interracial dating.]
The rule changed when I was there to interacial dating had to be “approved” by both sets of parents or pastors.
A mixed(black+white) girl dated a Filipino.
…. I wonder if Moses and zipporah had approval? Idk but I wouldn’t touch that topic with a ten foot pole you may become leprous!(Aaron)
Probably should just marry the one God has for you and get His approval!
I’m not sure, but think Tennessee Temple University bans interracial dating as well. At least I think they used to. Just don’t know. BJU caught a lot of flack over it, especially when President Bush visited them when he was running for office a few years back.
BJU’s problem is being in the Deep South were that sort of thing has been frowned upon since the Civil War…
Thanks for posting. An interesting read for sure.
Why don’t you just leave it alone. Roger Voegtlin will get what is coming to him without your help. But friend, you are so upset about abuse…(really?) but you left the fundamentalist movement and joined up with the biggest theological abusers outside the Catholic church; the belief that Christ died for only particular people and not for all mankind. John 3:16. Your heresy is even worse than his. I believe the heretics call it, ‘particular redemption’.(wink)
Furthermore, I remember I once went witnessing with a friend of mine who had turned calvinist. I watched him closely to see if he would tell those he was witnessing to that Christ died for them. Never once did he tell anyone we talked to that Jesus died for their sins or that the Lord loved them. When I asked him why he did not he replied, “Well, we don’t know that.”(Mark 10:21) Good grief! Talk about abuse!
I believe Jesus’ death is for everyone’s benefit. But it is especially for those who believe. Click my “Calvinism” tab at the top of my site to see my explanation of the five points of Calvinism. Such great men of God as Jonathan Edwards, George Whitfield and Charles Spurgeon unashamedly believed in “particular atonement”. You should take more pains to understand what Calvinists actually believe before equating them with child abuse. Check out my posts on Calvinism and Evangelism (listed under that tab, too).
Cal –
I appreciate your zeal for standing up for what you believe in, but I think you don’t have all the facts about what the Bible teaches about grace. Of course, all Calvinists believe that “whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but shall have everlasting life.” Read John Calvin’s own commentary on the verse. Read Bob’s postings on the issue – you may not agree with him, but I think you’ll find us grace believers to be extremely Scriptural.
Your friend,
Andrew
Thanks for sharing all this, Bro. Hayton. I think I can say that I know the struggle you felt writing this when so much is anecdotal- but do we really need fingerprints and DNA evidence for every single situation? Dare I say that much of what Paul wrote was based on his perceptions of what he was hearing from others whose judgment he trusted?
I grew up in IFBism, and recognized much of what you wrote. Not every church I’ve been part of was dysfunctional, but in many churches and colleges, far too much is tolerated because the ‘man of Gawd’ has to be protected at all costs, lest Christianity itself come tumbling down. At least that is the underlying attitude I always perceived.
But Scripture is clear that leadership is to be held to a higher standard, and the sheep are not to be fed to a woodchipper for asking viable questions their church leadership. If a leader’s character is unassailable, he should welcome questions as an opportunity for bonding with and discipling his sheep.
Bob,
Thanks for sharing your story. In the past you have referred to mine (https://www.fundamentallyreformed.com/2010/02/04/if-you-liked-my-story/) When I was in Bible college (1977-1981) we played Fairhaven in soccer. We called it the “Camp Lejeune” of Fundamentalism. The coach (who also played) reminded us of a drill instructor. For years I would joke about the experience. Now it is not so funny.
I understand now why you would desire to leave fundamentalism. I didn’t attend a fundamental institution like Fairhaven. We were taught that we ought to have a vision of who God is derived from the word of God. We were taught that it wasn’t wrong to have questions about theology or to read someone who has different views of theology. Fairhaven doesn’t speak for all of fundamentalism, and i’m increasingly convinced that I’m as far from that school as they are from the spirit of Christ. I commend you for trying to encourage those hurt by the caustic nature of much of fundamentalism to stay faithful to the faith of Jesus Christ.
Thanks for commenting, Ben. I try not to lump all fundamentalists together into the “discard” pile. I do think the movement can be reformed. But to do that, it has to distance itself from the problem cases like Fairhaven. Key leaders need to think long and hard on these issues and work for positive change.
Thanks for dropping by,
Bob
Is anyone else here trying to figure out how many men are associated with the mens’ quintet? Why not have a men’s quintet instead? Would that be a larger or smaller bunch of men?
Masters of what? If you don’t specify a field of study, shouldn’t they be masters’ students instead of Masters’?
I’m sorely disappointed!! You forgot to mention the 3rd grade SS class that you worked in 🙂
I think you did a great job of fairly stating where you stand without attacking. Thank you!
Yes, that was a joy serving in that class with you, Leiann. Hope you and your family are well. There are plenty of good memories from my time there, that’s for sure, I don’t want to ignore that. I forgot to mention how Dr. McNeilly was always available to counsel and help us, and how he always prodded us on, too. So much more I could say, but then this would be ALL about me and not about the sad things I had to address.
Thanks for chiming in. Blessings to you and yours.
fter reading this, I feel sorry for you and others that blame FH for their woes, change in theology, etc…..man is man and God is God. Never confuse one for the other. Man will ALWAYS fail, while God will never fail. You and everyone that blames FH are using this and ANY situation to explain, blame, and have a reason for personal failures and why you are leading a worldly life. Look at EVERY Facebook profile of the people that are making these complaints, and I guarantee that the loudest complainers have the most worldly lifestyle.
Please go back and blame your parents, not a church or a man. It nis your parents that carry the same weakness that you are exhibiting and for them to correct means they have to say they were WRONG. I have three children and I don’t have to wait until they are 21 to see how they will turn out, as at 2, 4, and 8, each one carries mine or my wife’s weakness, character fault, sin,or worldly trait. Go back to your parents, look at them and their lives, and BLAME them, if anyone, but do not use a man, a church or ANYONE else as a scapegoat for you and the others to wear pants (women), pink shirts, drink alcohol, not go to church, , change religions, etc. Admit your weakness, admit your sin, and move on….EVERY instance of someone being helped by God requires them to “pour it out”, whether it was oil, sin, etc. You have to give it to God and let HIM take care of it. Vengeance is God’s and NO ONE else’s. The fact that people want exposure and recognition show the “self” is more important than God.
One of those people is sickly twisted, I know, as their parent tried to sleep with my wife and then he called me to help her say he did not actually touch her so he could get his ministry back, two of those other people are on drugs (as from my unsaved days, my personal references can attest to there use), and do you want me to go on about all the kids that worked for me while in college to let you know how their sin is not church or Preacher related.
When I was catholic, we had a saying to people who were self proclaimed martyrs “get off your cross, we need the wood for fire”, well, winter is coming, please refrain from hogging the self proclaimed martyrdom! Move on with your lives, use the Bible to name your parents sin, use it to see yours and fix it before your gift to the next generation is the same sin. If you want to send me your fire wood, I can give all ya’ll my address. BTW….you know this will never get posted, as I am right and freedom of speech is not this martyr groups strong suit.
Bob,
I’ve been out of the country, and just now catching up on blogs. I’ve stayed out of previous Fairhaven posts as I have virtually no personal knowledge of the situation. But perhaps I have an interesting observation.
I was in college with Roger Voegtlin, and we sat in one or more classes together. I don’t remember much about him because he was extremely quiet. Imagine my surprise when he left school and established such a large and influential ministry. How did such a quiet student become such a larger than life figure? I don’t have a clue, but it supports the old adage, “You can’t tell a book by its cover.”
Cordially,
Greg Barkman
Bob,
My son was watching soccer today and for some odd reason I decided to go online to see if (by chance) Fairhaven kept any of their athletics records online. I was hoping to show him some of my younger years accomplishments in College Soccer. Yeah, I know…they keep ALL their records private…I should have known better. Through this search, I came upon your blog. My experience at Fairhaven was not really all that pleasurable and ever since I left I’ve avoided as much as possible that place except for when I went to try to retrieve my property on one personal trip I made to see “where I came from”. I unfortunately do not remember much of you but it appears we may have been Fairhavenites together at some point. I recall many of the people you mentioned as some were either dorm mates of mine or students at the Academy. I was there from ’86 to ’90.
As a minority (Puerto Rican) in a predominantly white college/church I faced many challenges. As a new student from “the hood” coming straight into this developing college where my hispanic culture was not very much accepted or understood I had many issues from the beginning. The first words to me upon my arrival at the college (by someone I learned to respect and admire – Mr. McNeely) was…”Oh no, I can tell you’re going to be trouble!” Well, in a way…he was right. I’m pretty sure I still hold the record at Fairhaven for the most demerits (without being kicked out). I was “campused” 3 times and I left the college owing hundreds of “detention hrs”. It wasn’t because I was a rebel or disrespectful. It was the small things that got me. My last two years I was a part-time student, working a part-time job and a full-time job and I was actively involved in basketball and soccer. On top of all that, I had my ministries (Spanish) working mostly in the E. Chicago route with Mr. Gonzalez. I didn’t have a choice in this ministry because I was told that since I was Hispanic, my calling should be towards Hispanics. Needless to say the 2 or 3 hours of sleep every-other night got the best of me. Demerits for not getting work or ministry passes on time, leaving my bed undone or room area messy, not completing detention hours on time, etc began accumulating. During my four years there, I rarely got the opportunity to go home for holidays and/or summer because I could not afford it and because I was always given the guilt trip for leaving my ministries behind and/or because I wasn’t ready to face “the real world”. My summers were spent doing my ministries, working and “helping” with summer camp.
I’m pretty sure I know exactly who you referenced when you spoke about the couple that “Preacher” married and later belittled them when speaking of possible kids. He was a roommate of mine and I recall how hurt and upset they were after hearing that. This was a very nice couple whom (as far as I recall) the only time they ever even touched each other prior to marriage was during the hand-shaking part of service (if they “happened” to be sitting close to each other during church or chapel).
In regards to the men-of-all-men attitude…Yeah, I recall that very clearly. I still to this day (over 20 years of leaving Fairhaven) refuse to wear pink shirts. I shamefully partook in the “bullying” of dorm guys “brave” enough to wear pink by making fun of or challenging their “manhood”.
Another example of the encouraged manliness…I was sitting in the dinning hall one morning, minding my own business when one particular “PK” came and sat at the table directly behind me. I recall we had guests in the college eating with us that morning. This PK began to loudly blow his nose while everyone was trying to eat. As tactfully as I could, I pointed out that there were guests in the dinning hall and asked him to please not blow his nose so loudly and obviously. He and his little clique just laughed and ignored me. A few seconds later, this same PK called out my name. When I looked back at him, he took his napkin and as loud as he could repeated his disgusting action. I shook it off because I didn’t want to make a scene with guests present. Later that same morning, I walked down to his room and knocked. He opened the door and asked if I could speak to him. He welcomed me into his room. Once in there, I proceed to explain how much I didn’t appreciate his actions in the dinning room. At that time he told me to get out of his room. I told him I wasn’t done talking and wasn’t going to play his silly PK games. This fat, arrogant sense of entitlement child of a well respected Ohio pastor proceed to lay hands on me and began pushing me out of room. My instincts took over and with one nicely placed punch, got him to quit pushing me. He was too busy yelling “I’m gonna kill you, I’m gonna kill you!” while trying to shut the flood of blood coming from his nose. It was obvious that I had just broken his nose. I turned around and just walked out on my own. I knew instantly that my days at Fairhaven were over. I was sure I was going to get called into “Preacher’s” office and asked to leave Fairhaven. Needless to say, this particular PK was not a very well liked person among his college peers and/or church members. This was evidenced by the multiple people congratulating me for “teaching him a lesson.” Though I couldn’t help but laugh inside anytime I say him in the dorms, church or college with his two shiners, I did feel bad that I went that far (regardless of him being the initial aggressor). I had my stuff all ready because I kept hearing (through rumors he started) that I was going to get kicked out. About a week passed and nothing came of it. I was finally called into “Preacher’s” office but was met by Pastor Behrends (a prior Marine). He sat me down and gave me one of those stern stares that only he could give. I was sure I was gone. I began to apologize for my actions and explain my side of the story. He stopped me…paused…stared me down…I was afraid to look anywhere else but straight at him. I was frozen to the chair. Then, out of nowhere…he leaned forward and down (he was standing at the time) and asked…”Did it feel good?!” followed by what appeared to be a strong attempt not to smile. I didn’t know if this was a trick question but I felt the need to be completely honest. I already knew I was going to get kicked out anyway so I just said…”Sure did!” He couldn’t hold back the smile any more as he turned and walked aways. He leaned down, wrote something on a demerit slip and handed it to me. As if not meaning it he said “Don’t do it again”. I took the slip and walked out relieved that I wasn’t getting kicked out but knowing for sure the amount of demerits legitimately earned would get me campused again. I kept telling myself “I just got off being campused, not again!” When I finally looked at the slip I was shocked to see that I had only gotten 10 demerits. That’s what I would have earned if I failed to get a work pass on time! I was sure this was a mistake but I wasn’t going to go back and have him “correct” it. I later learned it wasn’t a mistake.
While at Fairhaven I learned a lot about myself. I learned how unhappy I was trying to make others happy. I learned that no matter how much they tried to take my culture away from me and turn me into one of them, I will always be a Hispanic. It used to upset me the few times I did get to go home and my family would tell me “You don’t even act Latino…”
I was extremely upset that as I student even my music was censored. I have a sister who is a contemporary christian singer/musician. At the time, Fairhaven did not allow students to listen to music with a decent beat or that closely resembled contemporary or christian rock. I was not allowed to have my sisters tapes (yes, they had tapes back then). They kept them until I left college. All we could listen to were hymns and/or songs approved only by their music department (Mr. Brady).
I was there when the staff member (I can’t remember his name) was kicked out of the church/college after he was caught being a peeping-tom at the girls dorm. I remember how the church forced he and his wife to separate and later divorce. I recall them being actively involved in her dating life after the divorce was final.
Fairhaven was a major experience for me. I will never be a member of another IFB church, especially any associated with Fairhaven. I have some good memories from there but just as with most of my young life, the negative outweigh the positives.
I was tired of having people telling me what to do and where so I left Fairhaven in 1990 (actually Dec 3rd 1989) to (of all places) join the Marine Corps. It was my only option since I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. I had many staff members trying to convince me to stay and/or change my mind. It was enough that I just changed my story claiming I needed to leave to earn money so I could come back; knowing darn well I had no intention on going back.
Wow…I could go on and on about my experience there. I am still surprised that the government has not come after them for either their “cultish” practices, money related issues, etc. It never ceases to amaze me the extravagant trips Roger and/or his family/staff go on under the premise of “missionary trips”.
I did meet some really nice people there. Many have moved on and/or away and most I’m sure have been spoken badly of when they left. It’s unfortunate but a reality. There’s a reason why people who move away don’t ever come back even to visit.
Thanks for you blog and for the opportunity for me to “vent” online for the first time about that place.
Please don’t compare Dr. Roger Voegtlin with Dr. Jack Hyles. Dr. Roger Voegtlin is a great Man of God. Dr. Jack Hyles is a pervert!! Look at Roger’s son Jeff and look at Hyles’ son Dave. What a difference. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!!
There is no comparison. I went to Fairhaven too. It is tough. So what!! I didn’t like it either. In fact, I don’t agree with their overemphasis on spanking. However, they are very well-intentioned people. They got on me about my hair too, but no one tried to beat me because of it. One thing I can say about Fairhaven, when one of their staff members did something obscenely perverted, they didn’t sweep it under the rug. They exposed it and fired the guy. Way to go Fairhaven! Moreover, Pastor Voegtlin took that stand against Hyles when it was extremely unpopular to do so. He is not a man who is afraid to expose sin and take a stand against it. I respect that because I am sick of these so-called preachers like Dr. Jack Hyles’s son-in-law Jack Schaap who are nothing but WOLVES!!! Dr. Roger Voegtlin is not a wolf. It appears you got your feelings hurt but that is no reason to compare the sin of adultery/fornication with the sin of too much discipline…
Pretty good representative sample of several of the Fairhaven folks I’ve been acquainted with.
I’ve heard about that. The church we were married in here was associated with the Jack Hyle-hitlerites in Hammond. They didn’t like it when I chose to attend TTU in Chattanooga instead of Hyles Anderson, and they did all they could to undermine me down there. After the assistant pastor slandered me from the pulpit, that was the last straw. I quit going to Indy Baptist churches, and I quit TTU and moved back to Manchester. Haven’t set foot in a hyper-fundy Baptist church since. My sister went to Fairhaven, and after what she told me, there’s no way I’ll ever got there to listen to a man harp on pink underwear…
I attended Hammond Baptist high school and grew up in a fundie church nearby. I graduated from a more moderate Bible College. I think telling this story is important for spiritual and emotional healing. Many of my perceptions about self, family and God were negatively affected by the adults who led and taught me. I was spanked by a male teacher when I was 15 because I was caught wearing pants doing yard work for my parents. My parents did not come to defense. I knew God had given me a brain, but was told, as a woman I could not take a life role that would make my husband feel inferior. Your story parallels mine. But, God is bigger than the sum of our hurts. Through His help and people who love me, I have overcome this. I married a godly man who is not afraid of my talents. I’ve been a stockbroker for 20 years and have two sons who haven chosen God’s love and are passionate for the Kingdom. I’m still allergic to the fundie way of thinking about God, women, family. I pray for young people who have been hurt by it. I pray that God will change the hearts of those still in it. They are my family.
My sister attended Fairhaven in 1985 but had to leave when our father died in January 86, and she told me about the pastor preaching on wearing pink, and brought up his wife getting a red article of clothing mixed in with his underwear and turned them pink. He yelled, “What if I wear this and get in a wreck, and the ER crew see’s I’m wearing pink underwear? What kind of testimony would that be?” etc., etc. I saw that as being very hypocritical.
I left the independent Baptists years ago, after the assistant pastor slandered me in front of the whole church. My wife and I were married a few years prior, and I should have figured something was up when the pastor said, “Oh, well we’ve done plenty of ‘poor’ weddings!”
Currently, I don’t attend church anywhere, and have no plans to do so in the foreseeable future because of the things these people have dumped on us, and the way we have been slandered here the past twenty years since I left TTU in Chattanooga.