Tag: children

Elyse Fitzpatrick on Parenting by means of the Gospel or the Law

~ Bob Hayton


I’ve just started into Crossway’s new title Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. It is going to take some time to go through it because it is so powerful and packed with quite the punch. It’s at the same time oozing with grace and has the potential to transform our parenting.

So I present here an excerpt from chapter 1, from pages 33 and 36-37. To learn more about the book, check out the book detail page at Crossway.org, read the book’s introduction and all of chapter 1, or watch this 90 minute video from Desiring God.

There is a marked difference between this kind of gracious parenting and the moralistic parenting I did when I was raising my children. I would alternately tell them that they were good when they sat quietly or tell them that they had to close their eyes and pray or be disciplined when they were bad. My parenting had very little to do with the gospel. I assumed my children had regenerate hearts because they had prayed a prayer at some point and because I required religious obedience from them. This resulted in kids who were alternately hypocritical and rebellious. It taught them how to feign prayer, without pressing them to long for the Savior who loved hypocrites and rebels.

Religious obedience is probably the most difficult and dangerous form of obedience simply because it is so easily confused with conformity to God’s law. It’s the place where most Christian families go terribly wrong. Yes, we are commanded to teach the Word, prayer and worship to our children, but their acquiescence to these things won’t save them. Only the righteous life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ saves them….

Yes, give them God’s law. Teach it to them and tell them that God commands obedience. But before you are done, give them grace and explain again the beautiful story of Christ’s perfect keeping of it for them. Jesus Christ was the only one who ever deserved to hear, “You are good,” but he relinquished his right relationship with the law and his Father and suffered as a lawbreaker. This is the message we all need to hear, and it is the only message that will transform hearts.

…Everything that isn’t gospel is law. Let us say it again: everything that isn’t gospel is law. Every way we try to make our kids good that isn’t rooted in the good news of the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ is damnable, crushing, despair-breeding, Pharisee-producing law. We won’t get the results we want from the law. We’ll get either shallow self-righteousness or blazing rebellion or both (frequently from the same kid on the same day!). We’ll get moralistic kids who are cold and hypocritical and who look down on others (and could easily become Mormons), or you’ll get teens who are rebellious and self-indulgent and who can’t wait to get out of the house. We have to remember that in the life of our unregenerate children, the law is given for one reason only: to crush their self-confidence and drive them to Christ.

The law also shows believing children what gospel-engendered gratitude looks like. But one thing is for sure: we aren’t to give our children the law to make them good. It won’t, because it can’t. In our hearts we know that’s true because the law hasn’t made us good, either, has it? [bolded emphasis, mine]

You can purchase a copy of this excellent book at Westminster Bookstore, Monergism Books, Christianbook.com, Amazon.com, or direct from Crossway.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by Crossway Books. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

Parenting in a Distinctively Christian Way

~ Bob Hayton ~ 6 Comments

Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and her daughter Jessica Thompson, is truly a must-read book. It is a parenting book that promises to rock your world! That’s my assessment after watching a 90 minute interview of Elyse Fitzpatrick on Desiring God Live.

The thing that struck me the most in watching the interview, was the author’s burden that we parent in a distinctively Christian way. She said something like this: “If your kids were transplanted into a Mormon home, would they notice anything different?” Mormons, Jews, and Muslims even, want their children to respect authority, be nice to their siblings, fit into society and grow up to be good, moral people. Is that all we’re after as Christian parents?

I thought immediately of Bryan Chapell’s point from his book Christ-Centered Preaching. He said something like: “If the sermon you preached could be equally preached in a Jewish synagogue, Mormon Tabernacle or Muslim mosque, then you didn’t preach a Christian sermon.” (I’m totally paraphrasing by the way….)

What is distinctively Christian about our parenting? Are we sending the wrong message when we chide our children for disobeying the rules claiming they should have been able to obey them? Do we expect our kids to have the power to just obey by will-power? Is that how we live the Christian life?

Fitzpatrick went on to say how there are two kinds of children, basically. Prodigals and elder brothers. The law has an effect on prodigals, it causes them to chafe and run. The law has an opposite effect on elder brother-types, the Pharisees. They enjoy the law because they can keep it, and it’s an occasion for pride to them. Both of these types of children (and there are often more than one type inside one kid), need to understand that mercy trumps judgment. Mercy is better than law. Sadly, too often, all we give either child is a healthy does of law with little idea of Christian mercy and God’s grace.

When we praise our children, too, we can subtly instill in them a love of praise and the notion that if they try hard and do well, they’ll earn favor. But this idea is antithetical to the Gospel and is NOT how God views them.

All this is from the interview, and it really makes me want to pick up this book. I highly encourage my readers to pick up a copy of it as well. For now watch the interview, it will be worth the investment of your time. Once I get the book, I hope to blog some more about the themes covered in this book.

The book just released and is available at these fine retailers: Westminster Bookstore, Christianbook.com, Amazon.com, and direct from Crossway Books.

Revisiting Baptism and Young Children

~ Bob Hayton ~ 28 Comments

I’ve considered this question before. As Baptists, when should we baptize our children? A few blog posts recently give reasons why we should or should not delay baptism until our children are more mature (apx. ages 10-12).

First, Trevin Wax gave 4 points on his position relating to this question (which is that we should delay baptizing children until they are around 10 years old or so).

John Starke at The Gospel Coalition Blog then gave 4 reasons why we should baptize small children.

On the heels of these posts, Mike Gilbart-Smith at 9 Marks Blog posted his own “9 reasons why we should not baptize young children“.

For my part, I have a hard time getting around the household baptism passages in Acts. Presbyterians point to household baptisms as evidence of the batpism of small children and infants. Baptists demur and say these passages are silent about the age of children, and often give evidence that all the members of the households evidenced faith. Now, however, when it comes to young children old enough to express faith, Baptists are free to let these children wait in some cases years before affirming their faith through baptism? The very same passages in Acts where all members of a household (presumably including children) believe and then are immediately baptized, now have nothing to say about children below the age of 12. It’s one thing to assume the passages don’t refer to infants, now we are supposed to believe they don’t refer to children under 12? Just who should we include as being in the households of the Cornelius, Lydia, the Philippian jailer and others?

As Starke points out, “the Bible doesn’t seem to give us any examples of an un-baptized Christian”. Furthermore, Justin Taylor in linking to Starke’s post above, added this insight:

There is an irony in the discussion””namely, that Jesus tells us to have faith like a child, and we often tell children that they first have to have demonstrate faith like an adult.

All things considered, at the risk of being considered a closet Presbyterian, I tend to think that the symbolism of Baptism is as much about the objective work of Christ for us (washing our hearts clean), as it is about the subjective experience of our testifying to our belief in the gospel (being buried with Christ in baptism). What happens in Baptism is an identifying with Christ and a celebration of what He has done, ultimately, not what we have done. Therefore, it is entirely appropriate for young children who have demonstrated faith in Christ. And since baptism doesn’t save, I am not persuaded by arguments for delaying baptism. I may not agree fully with Vern Poythress’ thoughts about how even 2 and 3 year old children can have saving faith, but I also think he has a point.

I’m interested in what my readers think about this. I understand that some of us find ourselves in churches with an official policy of delaying baptism. I’m not advocating that you disregard your church’s teaching on this subject. Please don’t misunderstand me. But I think a more biblical position is to accept the little children that come to Jesus, and allow them after a period of evaluation, to be baptized.

“Remy the Rhino Learns Patience” by Andy McGuire

~ Bob Hayton

Books are powerful tools in the hands of children. My own five children remain fascinated with books of all types and sizes. Picture books especially captivate my younger children, who often read the same books over and over. Being a Christian parent, I know that Christian books for children are one way of reaching the hearts of my children for Christ. Yet finding good quality, well-written, Christian children’s books is not necessarily easy.

For these reasons, I applaud Andy McGuire’s attempt to offer beautiful, captivating story books which enable Christian parents to teach Biblical virtues to their children. In Remy the Rhino Learns Patience, we are introduced to an impatient, African rhino. He finds out the hard way that angrily insisting on one’s own way, doesn’t work. Remy finds himself in a pickle and at last learns to relax. The back cover provides the moral: “This entertaining story will help your children learn that anger only makes things worse, and that patience is the key to building friendships and solving problems.”

I was quite impressed with the quality of this little book. I’ve seen too many, poorly-produced picture books. This book from Harvest House Publishers, however, stands right up there next to books produced by the giant, general market publishers. The cover has a deluxe hardback feel, where it feels a bit soft and welcoming to kids’ hands. The pictures are beautifully illustrated, majoring on vivid earth tones. The pictures are life-like as well. The pages are glossy and the book’s size is a nice 7 by 7 inches — perfect for preschool and young elementary kids. This book could easily become a favorite with little hands.

Andy McGuire’s African theme is continued in another title from the “Little Lessons from Our Animal Pals” series: Eleanor the Hippo Learns to Tell the Truth. The two books together would make a wonderful addition to your kids’ reading material.

When it comes to the message of this book, it is missing any direct reference to the Gospel, and doesn’t quote a Bible verse, either. This allows the book to appeal to a wider audience, I suppose. But as a Christian I hoped for more. Still, the book has important lessons to convey to little hearts. As it is, this little book will provide an opportunity to parent your children and talk through the issues of anger and patience. And it certainly has more of a message than many other picture books your children will find. I’m happy to recommend this book for Christian parents and their little children.

Learn more about Andy McGuire at his website here. You can also preview the book here.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by Harvest House for review. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

Pick up a copy of this book at Amazon.com or through Harvest House direct.

“The Lightlings” by R.C. Sproul

~ Bob Hayton ~ 5 Comments

Have you ever wondered why stories have such power to move us? Why children sit mesmerized when they hear a fairy tale, and why people inevitably share their own personal stories when they get together?

Stories move us because we are part of a bigger story, “The Story”. As Christians, we know the beginning and the end of that story, and all its major plot twists and turns. We don’t know exactly how our life story will fit into it, but we have faith that it will.

R.C. Sproul has the gift of storytelling, and has written several stories for children. In The Lightlings, Sproul tells “The Story” by means of an allegory. He casts the world as peopled by lightlings, children of the King of Light. He depicts the fall, and their flight into darkness. He then paints a beautiful picture of a baby full of light, who is to be the Light of the World. This allegory is applied to children well by Sproul’s setting it as a story told to a child wondering why he is afraid of the dark. The answer is a tale told by his grandfather, and then applied to the child’s own circumstances at the end of the book.

The story is beautiful and has numerous points of contact with the true Biblical story of creation, fall and redemption. At the end of the book, several discussion questions are listed with Biblical verses in a “For Parents” section. These points don’t exhaust the allegory but open it up to those who may be more unfamiliar with the Biblical meta-narrative depicted in the tale.

The illustrations by Justin Gerard are stunning. He captures light well, which is necessary in illustrating this particular story. The pictures are attractive to kids of all ages, and depicting the lightlings as fairies helps the story compete with other children’s tales that remain ever popular.

Christian parents must seek to get as many Christian resources as possible into the hands of our children. This book will provide opportunities to discuss the Gospel with children of all ages, particularly those in preschool and elementary school. And if you like this story, Sproul has other allegorical children’s books available as well.

I wish more children’s books today were like The Lightlings. The power of the story is not as often used as it should in capturing the hearts of our children. I cannot recommend this book more highly. If you have children, it is definitely a must have tool for the Christian parent.

Pick up a copy of this book at Amazon.com, Westminster Bookstore or directly from Reformation Trust.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by Reformation Trust Publishing for review. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.