Tag: counseling

“Think Again: Relief from the Burden of Introspection” by Jared Mellinger

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

Think Again by Jared Mellinger“Did he or didn’t he? Did he step out of bounds or not?”  In the world of sports, such questions are settled with instant replay. The referees look at the video monitor and think again about the play they had just presided over. But now with additional camera angles, the verdict is overturned. “No, he was in bounds! Play on.”

In real life, however, relying on instant replay is not always a good idea. Some people go to the cameras over and over again, rehashing each scene and second-guessing each decision. Introspection like that can be a harmful practice. Yet who hasn’t taken joy in reliving a precious moment or grown through uncovering a destructive pattern?

Jared Mellinger addresses this thorny topic gracefully in a new book Think Again: Relief from the Burden of Introspection (New Growth Press, 2017). No stranger to negative thinking himself, Mellinger shares what he’s learned through his life and ministry and draws from a host of reliable and helpful sources to cover this subject from almost every angle.

I imagine if I were to find a book on this topic in a typical Christian bookstore, the concept of having positive self-esteem might surface. That or a simple 8 steps to conquer this problem for good. Mellinger doesn’t frame the matter so simply. He gives a big picture and a theological worldview through which to look at introspection, rather than a simple prescription for a happier life. And concerning self-esteem, he resists the urge to give in to the cultural pull to affirm yourself. A sample of some of his takeaways on this point will help:

Psalm 139:14 does not say, “I feel good about myself, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” It says, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” The focus is on God. The praise is directed to God, and the idol of self has been displaced. (p. 38)

Those with high self-image enjoy the praise they receive and think, I am awesome. Those with low self-image often want to receive praise they are not receiving and think, I am worthless. but through the idol-destroying power of the gospel, “I am awesome” and “I am worthless” give way to “Lord, I will praise you.” (p. 39)

As the above excerpt illustrates, the book is clear and easy to read. The illustrations are poignant and pertinent, and they get your attention: Dobby the house elf even makes an appearance. The author is well read on this topic and acquaints the reader with numerous resources, recommending some books and quoting from classic Christian authors: C.S. Lewis, Charles Spurgeon, D.M. Lloyd-Jones, Richard Sibbes, John Calvin, G.K. Chesterton, and many more.

The strategy put forth is not to avoid introspection altogether, but to think less of self and more of Christ. He does call for repentance when sinful motives are found, but he also warns against letting false guilt consume you. We are sinful and fallen, but he reminds us of how often Paul praised God for the evidences of God’s grace in the people he wrote to: we too must learn to see grace “in the mirror” (p. 97).

The book is not a theological treatise, don’t get me wrong. It is incredibly helpful and practical. Mellinger shares realistic scenarios and walks through likely reactions from introverts and others. He often draws from his own experience with introspection and how others helped him.

I can’t help but quote from his concluding chapter. This is really good:

The Christian life is a life of radical extra-spection. For every look to ourselves, we should be taking ten looks to Christ. And every time we look at ourselves, what we see should lead us back to Christ. Any sin we find should drive us to the work of Christ for us. And any good we find in ourselves should reveal the work of Christ in us and through us. Any weakness we find should lead us to the power of Christ toward us. (p. 155)

I can’t think of a better resource to give to those who struggle with doubts or the tendency to second-guess and over-analyze decisions and motives. This resource is filled with Gospel goodness and solid enough to help those in a variety of situations. It is a book one might want to give away to special people in your life who are tender but perhaps too often weighed down with care.

Book Blurbs:

“Astute, pastorally sensitive, and deeply searching” ~ Sinclair Ferguson, professor and author of numerous books including The Christian Life and Devoted to God

“I believe that for many people this will be a truly liberating book.” ~ Tim Chester, author of over 30 books including You Can Change

“Think Again will help you find freedom as you learn how to guard your heart while renewing your mind.” ~ Bob Lepine, Cohost of FamilyLife Today

See more reviews at litfuse.com.

Where to Buy:

Disclaimer:

This book was provided by the publisher. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

“When Sinners Say ‘I Do’ DVD” by Dave Harvey

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

When Sinners Say I Do DVD by Dave HarveyMedia Details:
• Speaker: Dave Harvey
• Director: Patrick Gines
• Publisher: Shepherd Press (2014)
• Format: DVD
• Run Time: 195 minutes
• ISBN/ASIN#: 1633420922
• List Price: $59.99 (sale at Shepherd Press for $39.95)
• Rating: Must Watch

Blurbs:
“Dave Harvey skillfully exposes the real root of most marriage problems — each spouse is still a sinner. But he doesn’t leave us to wallow in our sin. He shows the way out through the ongoing power of the gospel. This will be helpful for any married couple whether they’ve been married five weeks or fifty years.”
—Jerry Bridges, Author of the Pursuit of Holiness

“Listen closely as Dave Harvey teaches on the struggles that characterize all marriages. His words are clear and inviting. He says it in a way that is fresh and humble. He cuts to the heart of what all of us are like—people needing daily, freely-given mercies from the Lord. And he cuts to the heart of what all of us need—not self-help, not a pep talk, not a few tips, but an active Savior. Listen, take to heart, and you will grow wiser as a husband or wife.”
—David Powlison, Executive Director, CCEF; Senior Editor, Journal of Biblical Counseling

“There is no laboratory for the grace of God like the family home. And there is no relationship so crucial to the work of grace in our homes as our marriages. It’s for these reasons I’m so grateful for Dave Harvey’s careful, wise, and relevant teaching in When Sinners Say I Do. Watch closely with your spouse or spouse-to-be, and let Dave lead you with great experience and pastoral care through the hard places of marriage right into the very throne room of God, where you both will find abundant grace for every need you have from now until your nineties.”
—Jared C. Wilson, Director of Content Strategy, Midwestern Seminary; TGC Blogger, The Gospel-Driven Church

Review:
Marriage is under attack today from all sides. Churches are being pressured to recognize marriages between people of the same gender. Our culture insists on “divorce on demand.” Even in conservative evangelical churches it seems that marriages have never been more unstable. Christians are getting divorced at alarmingly high rates.

Solutions to our dilemma abound. There are countless counseling resources and video series aimed at spicing up your marriage, learning the right “love talk,” or trying increasingly bizarre sexual practices as a way to keep our marriages vibrant.

Dave Harvey points out what should be obvious. The problem with marriages lasting comes down to one simple point. Marriage always involves 2 people and both of them are sinners! His book When Sinners Say “I Do” has helped many Christian couples. Now Shepherd Press has released an 8 part video series in an effort to equip the church with Dave’s important message.

This DVD series showcases Pastor Harvey walking through different passages of Scripture and unpacking the Gospel message that applies to our marriages. He emphasizes that sin is often at the root of relational conflict. He stresses the complementary design of God for man and woman. He preaches contentment and the role of mercy. He talks frankly about sex as God’s gift for each spouse – to be mutually enjoyed. And he points to the power for change: God’s stubborn grace.

The sessions are between 20 and 30 minutes long and focus just on Dave and his message. I appreciate this length as it allows the DVD series to be used both in SS classes and small group settings, or even as a seminar or workshop for a marriage retreat. The shorter time allows for questions and interaction by a local pastor or teacher who leads a group of couples through this material. Included with the video is a link to a .PDF study guide which can accompany the DVD and facilitate group discussion.

The series is appropriate for single adults as well, and they are from time to time addressed. It is also helpful for both older and younger couples — he speaks to the needs of both. In his talk on sex, Harvey is careful to be discreet and yet still direct.

The sessions do not major on the psychology of marriage. More time is devoted to unpacking and applying God’s word and then drawing application to marriage. Harvey’s advice is seasoned with years of ministry experience. He brings appropriate and helpful illustrations to capture the attention of the audience. And his insights are powerful and helpful. People in a variety of backgrounds and situations in life will benefit from this series.

I can’t wait to share this in a group setting – either with our small group or a church SS class. I hope this gains a wide audience and encourages many a couple with Gospel grace for their marriage.

Sample:
See six preview clips here, or watch the introduction below.

About the Speaker:
Dave Harvey serves as the Pastor of Preaching at Four Oaks Community Church in Tallahassee, FL. He serves as the Chairman of the board of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), as well as the Chairman of the Board of the Sojourn Network. He is the author of a number of books, including Am I Called, Rescuing Ambition, and When Sinners Say “I Do.” Dave lives in Tallahassee, Florida with his wife, Kim. They have four grown children.

Where to Buy:
• Amazon
• ChristianBook.com
• direct from Kregel

Disclaimer:
This DVD was provided by the publisher for review. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.

“A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships” by Paul Miller

~ Bob Hayton

A Loving Life by Paul MillerBook Details:
  • Author: Paul E. Miller
  • Category: Christian Living
  • Book Publisher: Crossway (2014)
  • Page Count: 172
  • Audio Publisher: christianaudio (2014)
  • Audio Length: 6 hours – unabridged
  • Read by: Arthur Morey
  • Format: audiobook
  • ISBN: 9781433537325
  • List Price: $12.99 / $14.98 (audio)
  • Rating: Must Read

Blurbs:
“I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the most honest, timely, and helpful book I’ve ever read about the costly and exhausting demands of loving well. And at the same time, A Loving Life is the most faithful, alluring, and encouraging presentation of God’s love for us in Jesus I’ve fed on in years. These two themes go hand in hand. Through the biblical story of Ruth, Paul Miller gives us hope, not hype—the freedom to suffer well, stay present, and live expectantly in all of our relationships. Thank you, Paul, for making the gospel more beautiful and believable to me.”
—Scotty Smith, Teacher in Residence, West End Community Church, Nashville, TN

“The word love is often either a vague sentiment or just another four-letter word. But in Paul Miller’s hands, the quiet, compelling reality emerges. You will witness how love is thoughtful, principled, courageous, enduring, and wise—all the things you know deep down it should be. And even more than those fine things, you will be surprised and delighted at how true love is grounded in God.”
—David Powlison, Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation

“A Loving Life is a worthy successor to Paul Miller’s much-appreciated book on prayer. It is a careful, thorough analysis of the book of Ruth, understanding it as a love story and making good applications to our own experiences and needs for love. Paul here shows not only a deep understanding of God’s Word, but also a rich knowledge of human nature, both in the ancient world and today. He offers biblical responses to many of the misunderstandings and problems we have with love of all kinds. May the Lord give this book a broad readership!”
—John M. Frame, J. D. Trimble Chair of Systematic Theology and Philosophy, Reformed Theological Seminary

Overview:
Like he did with A Praying Life, Paul Miller once again has given us a book that doesn’t fit the mold. This is not just any old book on Christian love. This book turns love inside out and gives hope and help to readers at all stages of their Christian life.  A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships describes the perils and pitfalls, as well as the promise and pleasure of love.

Miller begins with a personal story from a man he has counseled. The man was a former elder at a conservative evangelical church who walked away from his wife and dove headlong into immorality. Stories like this, and the counseling insights Miller shares illuminate this book. Miller’s insights into love and the human heart, stem from Scripture and ring true. His application is always poignant and helpful. ANd the stories of real one-on-one ministry flesh out the theory of his approach with real tangible spiritual fruit in the here and now.

But Miller’s book is not about his own experiences. He anchors it all on a careful exegetical look at the book of Ruth. Ruth’s story, of course, may very well be the greatest love story ever told. And it has much to teach us about what it means to love unconditionally, and to live in Christian hope.  Miller’s account is shaped and ruled by the gospel, and he brings us back over and over again to the importance of gospel-centered living.

Quotable:
“Whatever the source of the broken relationship, the result remains the same—the loneliness of a fairy tale gone bad. What do you do when you are abandoned by your husband? How do you survive when no matter how much love you pour into your wife, she becomes more demanding? How do you endure in love? How do you endure without love when you long to get married? How do you keep your spirit from shutting down?

To these modern widows and widowers, I write this book—to en­courage you, to give you a hope and a future. We’ll pursue that by joining two ancient widows, Ruth and Naomi, on their journey. The book of Ruth is an ideal narrative for our post-Christian world, where breaking covenants—not enduring in love—is the new norm. Ruth offers a tem­plate for love that understands both the craziness of our modern world and a way forward. Ruth is all about surviving and even thriving in a collapsing world.” (p. 14)

See also this excerpt from Crossway.org.

Evaluation:
Having been incredibly blessed by Miller’s previous book, A Praying Life, the format of A Loving Life took me by some surprise. But as the book developed, I found myself enjoying the account of Ruth more and more, and seeing how it truly dovetailed with Miller’s thoughts on love and his counsel for dealing with broken relationships and living out our faith in this broken world. This book may be a slower and harder read than the earlier volume, but it repays any effort spent to mine its riches. Miller’s wisdom and insight into the struggles of human suffering shine through its pages. His personal experience of ministry (including to his own autistic daughter) give a depth to his thoughts. You feel like you are sitting down over a cup of coffee with an incredibly open and helpful friend as you read this book. And this friend repeatedly points you to a greater walk with Christ and a deeper understanding of yourself and the glory of the gospel.

I listened to the Christianaudio.com version of this title, and found it a blessing to tune into Ruth’s exciting story on my drive each day to work and back. The reader of the audiobook was easy to understand and hear, and his voice was warm and encouraging. I didn’t miss endnotes (if there were any) and it was easy to follow along even though the book was broken up into smaller pieces than it  may have been if reading the book in another format.

Recommendation:
If you haven’t read anything by Paul Miller before, I encourage you to give this title a try. His approach is similar in spirit to what you may get from Timothy Keller or some of the authors connected with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). This is biblical counseling at its gospel-centered best. I highly recommend it.

About the author:
Paul E. Miller is executive director of seeJesus as well as the best-selling author of A Praying Life, among other works. With the help of his ministry staff, Miller creates and conducts interactive discipleship seminars throughout the world. He and his wife, Jill, live in the Philadelphia area and have six children as well as a growing number of grandchildren.

Where to Buy:
  • christianAudio.com
  • Westminster Bookstore
  • Amazon
  • Christianbook.com
  • Crossway.org

Disclaimer:
This book was provided by christianaudio.com. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.

Book Briefs: “Heart of the Matter: Daily Reflections for Changing Hearts and Lives” edited by Nancy B. Winter

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) is a ministry focused on providing biblical counseling materials to the church. Their materials connect the Gospel to all of life and are designed to equip local churches to minister to all of the needs of their congregations. I have previously reviewed some of their books (here and here), and helped teach one of their courses (How People Change). I am constantly impressed by the quality of their work and how practical it is for the real problems people face.

New Growth Press has compiled a collection of excerpts from books written by such CCEF authors as Timothy S. Lane, Paul David Tripp, David Powlison, Edward T. Welch, Michael R. Emlet, William P. Smith, and more. The result is a year-long devotional, Heart of the Matter: Daily Reflections for Changing Hearts and Lives, edited by Nancy B. Winter. This hardcover book includes daily devotional readings for every day of the year. The selections are short and readable, yet thoughtful and weighty. The readings are meant to complement a Scripture text to be read each day.

These devotional nuggets provide a practical out-working of a Gospel-centered perspective on all of life that under-girds the counseling approach of CCEF. The sovereignty of God, the reality of the kingdom, the cross of Christ, and grace-based sanctification are a few of the themes explored in these pages. Included in the back of the book is a listing of the source of each excerpt. Particularly poignant daily readings can be traced back to the book they were excerpted from, allowing the reader to turn to the source for more from the author on that subject. Also helpful is a lengthy index of Scripture passages commented on in the book. This index could be used as a guide for reading through the Bible. As you read passages, you can turn to the index and see if any devotional thoughts are available that intersect with the verses you just read.

Perhaps the best way to demonstrate the high quality of this particular devotional is to encourage you to take a quick read through some sample pages (Introduction and Jan. 1-5) provided by the publisher.

If you’re looking for a new devotional for 2012, look no further than this volume from CCEF. I’m confident its Gospel-centered, practical application of Scripture to all of life will make a lasting impression on your heart. It can help facilitate real change, by the power of the Holy Spirit–and that is what CCEF is all about.

Pick up a copy of this book at any of the following online retailers: Westminster Bookstore, Christianbook.com, Amazon, or direct from New Growth Press.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by New Growth Press. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

About Book Briefs: Book Briefs are book notes, or short-form book reviews. They are my informed evaluation of a book, but stop short of being a full-length book review.

Big Sale on Minibooks from CCEF and New Growth Press

~ Bob Hayton

New Growth Press has a special sale running now through Friday, Aug. 31 (5pm EST) on their excellent minibooks (many of them produced by the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation). I have reviewed some of these minibooks before, and was very impressed with them. These books are Gospel-centered and extremely practical. They help the average church goer connect the life-changing power of the Gospel with their life problems. Topics include dealing with divorce, singleness, pornography, anger, depression and more.

Here is another endorsement of these books:

Our church displays these minibooks so that people can begin to connect their personal struggles, whether sin or suffering, to the power of the Gospel. While these books clearly reveal the realities of living in a fallen world, they also lead people to the living hope found in Jesus and give a clear framework for living both wisely and compassionately. We hope the books serve as a first step as people seek help and more specific counsel from the body of Christ, whether from a pastor, small group leader or friend. I highly recommend these materials. They have been very helpful in my own counseling ministry over the years. ~ Jim Bates, Associate Pastor, Faith Reformed Presbyterian Church (Quarryville, PA)

There are 77 books in all, and they are available for $2.50 each (regularly $3.99), and all of their five-packs are available for $9.99 (regularly $15.99). Be sure to take advantage of this special offer! Hurry, the sale ends Friday, Aug. 31 at 5pm Eastern time.