Tag: grief

Lost in a Good Footnote: How to Have Joy When You Are Hurting

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

Have you ever read something in a footnote that was just too good to leave there? If you are like me, you can get “lost in a good footnote.” This post focuses on another great footnote.

I think that this gem buried in Joe Rigney’s book The Things of Earth: Treasuring God by Enjoying His Gifts (Crossway, 2015) is worth sharing.

Before you get to the quote, let me set the stage. Have you ever been hurting? Just completely consumed by grief or sorrow? If you remain in such a condition for long, you feel that there is no more joy in the world. The sun doesn’t seem fair, the flowers are dull, everything is meaningless. So what can you do to get yourself out of such a perilous state? This footnote has an answer.

At first it doesn’t sound like good news, but the Bible tells us that we must “rejoice with those who rejoice.” And perhaps that is the key. You have lost something, but they have not. You are hurting, but their hurt is of a lesser degree. Would you rob them of shared joy, by extending your grief to cover them too?

An others-focus may just free us from a pattern of self-despair. Looking away from ourselves, doesn’t mean we cease to grieve or hurt. But it does mean we see God at work in bigger and broader ways, with more people than just our immediate family.

This goes both ways, because we are called to “weep with those who weep.” So even our highest joys should be tinged with an awareness of the hurting of others. This is the sort of tangible togetherness and unity that should be the hallmark of Christian love and of the Church that Jesus founded.

Let me share the quote which set my mind to this direction. And please note that ultimately it is only the Holy Spirit and His work in us which enables such a radical others-orientation. May God bless all who ponder the Scripture behind the thoughts shared below.

In an earlier chapter, I spoke of the way that the Bible expands our minds by pulling us in opposite directions and that we must embrace the mystery and refuse to allow one truth to cancel out another. This is no less true of our emotional lives. One of the seemingly impossible commands in the Bible is found in Rom. 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” The gospel lays both of these commands upon us. Those who suffer are called to add their joy to the joy of the blessed. Those who receive favor must join the grieving in the midst of their sorrow. And we must do so without allowing one emotion to tyrannize the other. The glad-hearted must not lord their blessings over the afflicted. The hurting must not allow their pain to drown out real joy when it’s given from God. Love must be genuine (Rom. 12:9), and we must endeavor to live in harmony with one another (Rom. 12:16). Practically speaking, this means that our lives will be characterized by the same heart as the apostle Paul, who lived “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” (2 Cor. 6:10). It also means that wisdom and propriety will govern our joy and sorrow, so that we move with the rhythms of Eccles. 3:4: “[There is] a time to weep, and a time to laugh.” And the only way that we’ll make any progress in getting these rhythms right is if we are open and honest in communicating with one another and if we are trusting in the grace of God to be sufficient for our every need. It is grace that enables the sorrowful to rejoice in the joy of others, especially when they receive something that we desperately want or have tragically lost. It is grace that enables the joyful to bear with the suffering of the grief-stricken, especially when our hearts are bursting with gladness. Grace must reign, love must cover a multitude of sins, wounds, and thoughtlessness, and Christ must do what is impossible for us.

— Endnote 13 from chapter 11, found on pg. 259.

Pick up a copy of this book at Amazon, or Westminster books.

Sorrowful, Angry, but not Hateful: A Survivor’s Reaction to the News from FBC Hammond

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

I wanted to share another post about the Jack Schaap situation. The author of this post, Lori Shaffer, contacted me and thanked me for the posts I’ve written surrounding this sad event. She wanted to share her post with me, and I must say I was very impressed.

This is written from a former First Baptist Church of Hammond member, who lived through her fair share of scandals and problems during her time there. Her perspective on the recent news is both refreshing and challenging on many fronts.

She expresses sorrow over Shaap’s sin, empathizing with what he must be going through, and she expresses grief for what the victim has suffered. But then she also expresses anger over the church’s systematic covering up of past abuse and failure to apologize to the women harmed by Dave Hyles’s sinful behavior. She calls for an openness and a public apology by the church and a change in direction regarding their teaching of the place of women. But she goes on to call us to “be angry and sin not.” She expresses dismay over how many people have been vengeful and hateful in their speech over Schaap’s fall.

Her post is worth reading in full, but let me share her conclusion:

My point? Let’s not embody the arrogance we despise. Let’s not rejoice in Schaap’s fall. Let’s not fill our hearts and mouths with venomous, vengeful speech. Let’s speak the truth. Let’s express righteous anger (which doesn’t have to be passive or timid!). Let’s turn up the light and the heat so that all remaining corruption is brought into the open. But let’s stop short of setting ourselves up as “better than.” Let’s not add to the shame of Christ by calling for castration or his rape in prison. Let’s remember who we are and whom we represent. Let’s offer love and rebuke and encouragement and truth where it’s needed. Let’s pray for those who have been despitefully used. Let’s pray for courage and wisdom for the men in leadership, who appear – for the first time in FBC history – determined to bring justice and restore the honor of Christ and His church. Let’s pray for all whose faith and lives have been crushed by Schaap’s sin. Let’s pray for righteous judgment to be meted out. Let’s pray for healing for that young lady-child. Let’s actually attempt to reflect the character of the One whose name we claim. Be angry…and sin not.

Quotes to Note 14: Christian Hedonism in The Shepherd of Hermas??

~ Bob Hayton ~ 4 Comments

I’ve been reading through a nice little edition of The Apostolic Fathers recently put out by Moody Press. Today, I came across a section in The Shepherd of Hermas that sounds a bit like what John Piper might say. I’m not endorsing everything in The Shepherd of Hermas, there are plenty of reasons why it shouldn’t be considered to be canonical (or part of the NT), but this little bit caught my attention. Let me know what you make of it or what you think of this quote.

I’m quoting from the 10th commandment which focuses specifically on grief caused by the inability to do something through doubt or grief after getting wrongfully angry over something.

Both these are grievous to the Holy Spirit– doubt and anger. Wherefore remove grief from you, and crush not the Holy Spirit which dwells in you, lest he entreat God against you, and he withdraw from you. For the Spirit of God which has been granted to us to dwell in this body does not endure grief nor straitness. Wherefore put on cheerfulness, which always is agreeable and acceptable to God, and rejoice in it. For every cheerful man does what is good, and minds what is good, and despises grief; but the sorrowful man always acts wickedly…. For the entreaty of the sorrowful man has no power to ascend to the altar of God [because] grief… mingled with his entreaty, does not permit the entreaty to ascend pure to the altar of God…. Cleanse yourself from this wicked grief, and you will live to God; and all will live to God who drive away grief from them, and put on all cheerfulness. [pg. 222 of the 2009 Moody edition of The Apostolic Fathers]