Tag: marriage

Marriage, Meaning and Minnesota: How to React to the News that Gay Marriage is Now Legal

~ Bob Hayton ~ 8 Comments

We came back from family wedding this past weekend to realize that Minnesota (our state) passed legislation legalizing gay marriage. Gov. Dayton signed it into law last night, to be put into effect on August 1! My how times change. This new legal reality is coming to a state or municipality near you – and soon.

How is a Christian to respond? There are obviously a lot of Christian pastors and leaders with great things to say, so I’m just chiming in from my own angle – I don’t claim this is advice that will rock the world, just what might be a few helpful thoughts.

1) Don’t freak out. God is not surprised. He’s still on the throne.

The worldly state (think “city of man”) has long embraced what God has forbidden. In Paul’s day, the vice that was legal in places like Corinth and Rome would make your skin crawl. Open sex in temples full of paid prostitute-priestesses (and priests) – all in the name of mystery religion. The slave trade, women captured in war with the victor using them as he wishes. Roman senators with love-boys and lewd public banquets. Oh and Christians were the ones rescuing unwanted infants left “exposed” to die on street corners. They were also the ones who couldn’t participate openly in commerce since that required obligatory offerings to the pagan gods. Christians were the ones who accepted people of all socioeconomic statuses and lived as brothers and sisters. They took care of one another – even when huddled together in the arena facing lions or death by any number of other more gruesome means. So don’t be surprised when the world hates us. Read John 15:18-21 along with Matt. 5:10-12.

2) Remember the State has never defined marriage, God created it and He defines it.

Now worldly cultures and states have developed different traditions and laws governing marriage. In many African tribes, polygamy is normal with either the women or the men in a position of dominance. In ancient times the king could sleep with the bride on her wedding night by right. Whole religions still maintain a priestly class that is forbidden to marry but who nevertheless engages in illicit sex. The world’s structures are broken and always have been. It wasn’t too long ago when Christians were denouncing the government for allowing divorce for unbiblical reasons. Now just about anything goes. The state will let a man marry seven times to seven different women. So if the same state lets a man marry a man, why should we be alarmed? Christians should be defending marriage of one woman and one man for life – the biblical ideal. The exceptions allowing divorce should be rare and not jumped to at any possible opportunity by those who name Christ’s name. See my post pleading against frivolous divorce here.

3) Take heart in the true meaning of marriage.

Marriage is more than a ticket to government benefits. If that is all marriage is — and in our culture of long-standing, live-in relationships, this seems more and more what marriage is — then no wonder everyone should have the same “right.” But this isn’t about tax benefits — it is about what marriage means. Marriage is a picture of God’s covenant relationship with us. And it is for this reason that divorce should be rare among Christians. Our marriages should be pictures of the ultimate marriage of Christ and the Church. See Eph. 5:25-32 for more on this. I would also encourage you to seek out a copy of Tim Keller’s masterful book on the subject: The Meaning of Marriage. Ultimately, marriage isn’t about us, it’s about God. And God can defend it in our culture better than we can. Rather than being devastated by the abuse of marriage in the public arena let us be busy living out our lives as the “salt of the earth” letting our marriages shine before the watching world so they can see the true purpose of marriage and glory in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (see Matt. 5:13-16).

4) Be careful in our reaction to this news.

As most Christians undoubtedly will express dismay at this turn of events, we must be especially careful as to how we react publicly. We must be careful as to how our words and actions will be perceived too, because we care about giving a faithful and clear witness to a watching world. Too often, we have allowed our opposition to the homosexual agenda, to come across as a mean-spirit against homosexual people. And while we are right to be concerned at loose definitions of homophobia and the desire of some to classify orthodox Christian teaching as hate speech, there nonetheless has been homophobia and hate speech in some sectors of Christianity. Furthermore, our strong opposition to homosexual marriage can be misunderstood to convey that the Church really is all about controlling others and seeking to gain and keep onto political power in its desire to impose morality on others. Rather than evincing compassion and understanding toward those struggling with homosexual desires, our actions and sometimes our attitudes say that we are better than them. We are normal, they are not. And if they just quit misbehaving they could be like the rest of us decent heterosexual beings. But isn’t this the opposite of the gospel’s fundamental truth that you can’t save yourself, and that only by God’s grace can we overcome our innate desires (present in everyone’s fallen heart) toward evil? Christianity is not about external morality and do-it-yourself reform; it begins and ends with Christ on the cross and a gospel of grace. As we interact with those in the workplace and our communities who consider themselves homosexuals, let us ponder anew how we can call them to a life of self-denial that is ultimately worth it because of the glory of our Savior and the glorious gospel of His grace for sinners. For more posts on homosexuality from a biblical perspective, see these earlier posts. I would also highly recommend Wesley Hill’s book, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality.

More Resources on Thinking Through the Homosexuality Issue

~ Bob Hayton

In my last post, I shared some of John Piper’s thoughts about homosexual marriage. He clearly does not endorse it, but he doesn’t want to officially hop on a political bandwagon promoting one particular legislative approach to dealing with this in our culture and society at large. The job of churches and pastors is to preach the Word and inform the laypeople with the effect that they apply biblical principles to their political and social activities in a way that honors God and upholds the mission of the church.

Here are some additional resources for dealing with homosexuality, which is an increasing problem for American evangelical Christians, churches and pastors.

First, I encourage you to read this moving testimony about a converted homosexual who served God in spite of his struggles and his AIDS. Next, I’d really encourage you to read my review of Wesley Hill’s book Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. It will open your eyes to the struggles some Christians face regarding homosexuality and give you perspective in looking at others who have identified themselves as homosexual.

Another resource is The Complete Christian Guide to Understanding Homosexuality edited by Joe Dallas and Nancy Heche. You can read my review of that book, here.

I leave you with this video clip of Al Mohler discussing this issue with Mark Dever at this year’s Together 4 the Gospel conference.

John Piper’s Thoughts on Gay Marriage and Pastoral Ministry

~ Bob Hayton ~ 3 Comments

Recently, John Piper preached the following sermon: Let Marriage Be Held in Honor” — Thinking Biblically About So-Called Same-Sex Marriage. The Minneapolis Star-Tribune picked up on his sermon and claimed he was “opting out” of the marriage fight, referring to the proposed marriage amendment to the MN state constitution that is on the ballot this Fall (which defines marriage as between one man and one woman). Piper clarified his remarks, explaining he wasn’t opting out but rather helping his congregation think through the matter biblically. Still the fact remains that Piper has held back from overtly supporting the amendment, preferring not to politicize the church or give explicit weight to one legislative approach to dealing with homosexuality.

Here are some excerpts from that sermon which provide possible reasons for his coming up short of a full endorsement of the marriage amendment.

How should Christian citizens decide which of their views they should seek to put into law? Which moral convictions should Christians seek to pass as legal requirements? Christians believe it is immoral to covet and to steal. But we seek to pass laws against stealing, not against coveting. One of the principles at work here seems to be: the line connecting coveting with damage to the public good is not clear enough. No doubt there is such a connection. God can see it and the public good would, we believe, be greatly enhanced if covetousness were overcome. But finite humans can’t see it clearly enough to regulate coveting with laws and penalties. This is why we have to leave hundreds of immoral acts for Jesus to sort out when he comes.

Laws exist to preserve and enhance the public good. Which means that all laws are based on some conception of what is good for us. Which means that all legislation and all voting is a moral activity. It is based on choices about what is good for the public. And those choices are always informed by a world view. And in that worldview — whether conscious or not — there are views of ultimate reality that determine what a person thinks the public good is.

Which means that all legislation is the legislation of morality. Someone’s view of what is good — what is moral — wins the minds of the majority and carries the day. The question is: Which actions hurt the common good or enhance the common good so much that the one should be prohibited by law and the other should be required by law?

…

8. Don’t press the organization of the church or her pastors into political activism. Pray that the church and her ministers would feed the flock of God with the word of God centered on the gospel of Christ crucified and risen. Expect from your shepherds not that they would rally you behind political candidates or legislative initiatives, but they would point you over and over again to God and to his word, and to the cross.

Please try to understand this: When I warn against the politicizing of the church, I do so not to diminish her power but to increase it. The impact of the church for the glory of Christ and the good of the world does not increase when she shifts her priorities from the worship of God and the winning of souls and the nurturing of faith and raising up of new generations of disciples.

If the whole counsel of God is preached with power week in and week out, Christians who are citizens of heaven and citizens of this democratic order will be energized as they ought to speak and act for the common good.

[quoted from the online transcript of Piper’s sermon dated June 16/17, 2012]

The Desiring God blog later posted a fuller transcript of Piper’s words surrounding point 8 from his sermon. Piper also went on to give a series of brief blog posts addressing the topic of homosexuality which I found very helpful. I provide links to these articles below.

I appreciate Piper’s resolve to not allow the church to become too politicized. We need to stand for God’s truth, but in matters of social policy and interacting with the fallen world in which we live, there are valid points to be made for competing visions of legislative strategy. I support marriage as being defined as between one man and one woman. But I also recognize the political reality of the fallen world we live in. There are legal and economic benefits of marriage that could be bestowed on civil unions, and if they want to call that “marriage”, why should I be surprised? Will legislating a definition of marriage fix the problem of the heart? Will it not only add fuel to the fire when it comes to the continuing the fight for “true equality” from our homosexual neighbors? Will it really solve anything?

“Money and Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples” by Matt Bell

~ Bob Hayton

Money and Marriage: these two words go together for better or worse. Now as ever, more marriages fall apart over money than for almost any other reason. Even for those Christian couples who are determined to not even think about divorce, money adds an incredible amount of stress and pressure onto their new life together.

My experience is similar. We started out our marriage with a debt problem that got worse, and many of our trials have been related to financial pressures. By God’s grace, we have grown through the years and have not allowed money to drive us apart. Today we are financially stable, but looking back, I believe we would have been better off had we read a resource like this new book by Matt Bell, Money and Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples published by NavPress.

Bell’s book is packed full of wise advice and practical tips, but it is so much more than just a self-help book. Systematically, step by step, Matt Bell explains how to think about finances and your new life together as a married couple. He gives a crash course on budgeting, frugality, credit, debt, housing, insurance and more. His book is flexible enough to be useful in a variety of ways as he advocates an approach to money more than any one strategy. Sprinkled throughout the book are Scripture verses, teaching applicable for Christians, and personal anecdotes. It is clear that this is a Christian money book, especially when the book concludes with the importance of finding a life purpose that fits in with God’s purposes for your life.

This book was easy to read and chuck full of useful pointers and resources for more study (chief among them being Matt’s personal blog, MattaboutMoney.com). I found the Scripture quotations and other quotations interesting and appropriate. Occasionally they were downright funny, providing comedic relief from the serious topic of conversation. For instance, Matt shares Mark Twains’ important insight about investing: “October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.” Humor aside, the book offers sound (not trendy) advice and covers a wide variety of situations, such as when a prenuptial agreement may or may not make sense, even for a Christian.

Newly weds, engaged couples, and those who are still young marrieds will benefit most from the book, but everyone will find some sound financial advice. The “take action” steps, numerous charts, and the personal stories help the reader apply the principles to their own situation. If you know of any young couples, consider giving them a copy of this book. And those of you who haven’t hit middle age yet, you really need to get this book. I highly recommend it.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by the publisher for review. I was under no obligation to offer a favorable review.

You can pick up a copy of this book at Amazon.com or through NavPress, direct.

Christian Counseling Booklets from CCEF

~ Bob Hayton ~ 5 Comments

The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation is an excellent resource for a Scriptural-based approach to life’s problems. Their motto is “Restoring Christ to counseling, and counseling to the Church.” I have found their materials to be gospel-centered and grace-oriented. They are an incredible help to the church.

CCEF through its publishing arm, New Growth Press, makes available a wide range of booklets that address a host of common problems. I am going to highlight a few of these booklets in this post.

The booklets are sensitive to the life-situation they address, yet also apply the Bible and particularly the Gospel to the problem. I highly recommend them.

Single and Lonely: Finding the Intimacy You Desire by Jayne Clark.

This booklet explores how loneliness, which plagues single young people as much as it does the elderly, sick and widowed, is connected to the gospel. Protecting yourself, and aiming for one or two close friendships usually backfires. Recognizing our acceptance and love found in Christ, we should instead pursue wholeness and healing in a community of Christ-lovers. Practical steps for recognizing and dealing with the problem of loneliness in oneself and others are also included.

You can preview the booklet here, and purchase it directly from CCEF or from Westminster Bookstore.

Sex Before Marriage: How Far is Too Far? by Timothy Lane.

A counseling booklet with that title would scare me. But that’s the kind of question on many people’s mind. The booklet begins by rooting advice in a biblical view of sex. It’s wonderful and its a big deal, not something flippant or light. It goes on not so much as to prescribe boundaries but to expose heart issues and motivations. It admits chastity will look different in different cultures and times, but it gives an overarching principle: “Don’t act like you are married when you are not!” It draws a line and recommends no romantic or involved physical touching, let alone other questionable acts. It shifts the focus to marriage and will lead the conscientious reader right in this difficult arena.

You can preview the booklet here, and purchase it directly from CCEF or from Westminster Bookstore.

Find more of these helpful booklets here, or check out their mini book subscription program.