Tag: parenting

Quotes to Note 10: On Parenting and Prayer

~ Bob Hayton ~ 5 Comments

I’ve been reading through Paul Miller’s new book A Praying Life (NavPress). Its a great read that challenges me concerning my prayer life. He’s giving real life examples of how prayer shapes his parenting. I found this extended quote on the relationship between prayer and parenting very helpful.

It is surprising how seldom books on parenting talk about prayer. We instinctively believe that if we have the right biblical principles and apply them consistently, our kids will turn out right. But that didn’t work for God in the Garden of Eden. Perfect environment. Perfect relationships. And still God’s two children went bad.

Many parents, including myself, are initially confident we can change our child. We don’t surrender to our child’s will (which is good), but we try to dominate the child with our own (which is bad). Without realizing it, we become demanding. We are driven by the hope of real change, but the change occurs because we make the right moves.

Until we become convinced we can’t change our child’s heart, we will not take prayer seriously. Consequently, repentance is often missing. When we see, for example, our son’s self-will, we usually don’t ask, How am I self-willed? or How am I angry? We want God’s help so we can dominate our son. We forget that God is not a genie but a person who wants to shape us in the image of his Son as much as he wants to answer our prayers.

Increasingly, parents in our culture are moving to the opposite extreme and becoming passive. Parents say things like “My son has always been angry” or “Even when he was a kid, he was throwing temper tantrums.” This passivity is reinforced by pop psychology’s tendency to make descriptions of childhood stages into rules. For instance, if a two-year-old is bad, the mom may shrug her shoulders and say, “She’s going through the terrible twos.” This mom is trapped by psychological descriptions. Her passivity is further reinforced because she’s talked to her little girl and even disciplined her, but nothing worked. This mom pushed against reality, but it didn’t budge. She tried praying, but nothing much happened. She ran into the power of another person’s self-will and surrendered. She has passively accepted the world as it is. Like the ancient Greeks, she is trapped by the Fates. When we do this, life takes on a fixed, given quality. Payer becomes pointless….

If you are on the road of Good Asking, you have also given up “” but in a good way. You’ve given up on your ability to change other people. Instead, you cling to God and watch him weave his story. Frankly, Jill and I do our best parenting by prayer.

From A Praying Life by Paul Miller  © 2009, 166-167, 168. Used with permission of NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved. www.navpress.com.

“What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter” by Voddie Baucham Jr.

~ Bob Hayton ~ 4 Comments

In What He Must Be …If He Wants to Marry My Daughter Voddie Baucham Jr. does Christian dads a favor. He challenges them with a biblical vision of Christian courtship; and he cushions his challenge with a clear cut, easy to read, guide for how to think and plan about their daughter’s future marriage.

Baucham realizes his message is as controversial as it is straightforward. Our culture prejudices us to an overly romantic idea regarding marriage. While parents feel freedom to guide and support their children in college and career choices, they are pressured to back off when it comes to their teenager’s love life. Against this cultural backdrop, Baucham traces out a biblical vision of courtship, calling on dads and moms to think carefully about this aspect of their children’s future.

Baucham considers “modern dating” to be “no more than glorified divorce practice.” He counsels protecting a daughter’s heart as much as her body. This entails thinking intentionally about the kind of man one would want for their daughter. Parents train their daughters to look for such a man, and are partners with her in the entire process.

The bulk of the book concerns the qualities of a suitable Christian man. And sadly such men, according to the author’s frank admission, are in short supply. No worry, if you “can’t find one… build one”! If you can’t find a man who is a follower of Christ, prepared to lead like Christ, who is committed to a biblical view of children, and who can be your daughter’s protector, provider, prophet and priest… then you must find a promising young man and disciple him (or build him) yourself.

Counter-cultural and radical? Yes. Unthinkable? No. Baucham carefully builds his vision of Christ-centered family life, making it increasingly clear as he progresses. The Bible is brought to bear on topics many Christians don’t take time to consider well. And Baucham’s warm, personable and very readable style aid him in transmitting his message effectively.

One may not be ready to follow all points of the author’s plan, after reading the book through. But a careful reading of Baucham’s message will certainly change anyone’s perspective on the extremely high calling of parenthood. I urge everyone to consider picking up this book, and let Voddie Baucham Jr. walk you through a biblical view of courtship. And may God be pleased to provide our sons and daughters godly spouses for His glory and their joy.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by the publisher. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.

This book is available for purchase at the following sites: Westminster Bookstore, Amazon.com, or direct from Crossway.

Romeo, Juliet, and a Biblical Courtship Model

~ Bob Hayton ~ 7 Comments

Voddie Baucham Jr. has just written a fascinating and somewhat provocative new book: What He Must Be …If He Wants to Marry My Daughter (Crossway). Crossway was kind enough to give me a preview of the book, and my wife and I were quite pleased as we skimmed through it last night. Baucham is saying things which need to be said, and he does so in a winsome, interesting style.

As part of a Crossway blog book tour, I’m going to post a couple excerpts of the book, and provide a mini-review of it. Feel free to ask questions about the book, I can send those on to Crossway and/or the author himself too, if they are good enough.

Here’s today’s excerpt, an interesting look at the familiar tale of Romeo and Juliet.

…As fathers, we must teach our children to go beyond technical virginity to biblical purity. We must protect their hearts.

The classic illustration of this caution for fathers is Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. We usually think of Romeo and Juliet as a classic love story. However, we must remember that the principal characters paid for their illicit romance with their lives. Juliet is the classic example of an unprotected young woman who gave her heart away and paid a dear price. She “fell in love” with a young man she barely knew, hid the romance from her family, ignored all the warning signs, cherished stolen moments, committed herself irrationally and prematurely, and in the end died at her own hand.

Reading the story as a “neutral” or “passive” observer may leave you mourning the tragedy of two people who found “true love” and lost it because of their pigheaded families, but sifting the story through a biblical grid sheds a different light. You may say, “Romeo and Juliet is just a story.” However, I would argue that it is much more than that. In fact, I believe the only reason this story has stood the test of time is the fact that it depicts, although melodramatically, an all-too-familiar reality. Romeo and Juliet is the timeless story of the passion, bliss, and ignorance of young love (and of course, the foolishness of unresolved blood feuds).

This is a story that has been played out thousands, if not millions of times all across the globe. It may not always end in suicide (though sometimes it does), but it always ends with a price being paid. Sometimes that price is something as small as a romance that lives in the heart and mind of someone who ends up married to another. Other times the price is a dysfunctional marriage based on decisions made at the height of passion (and often rebellion). In any case, it is important to count the cost as we consider how we will approach the courtships of our daughters. [pages 167-168]

So, what do you think? Is he right? Do you have questions about his approach? You can find out more about the book at Crossway.com, or at its product page at Westminster Bookstore.