Category: The Family

Romeo, Juliet, and a Biblical Courtship Model

~ Bob Hayton ~ 7 Comments

Voddie Baucham Jr. has just written a fascinating and somewhat provocative new book: What He Must Be …If He Wants to Marry My Daughter (Crossway). Crossway was kind enough to give me a preview of the book, and my wife and I were quite pleased as we skimmed through it last night. Baucham is saying things which need to be said, and he does so in a winsome, interesting style.

As part of a Crossway blog book tour, I’m going to post a couple excerpts of the book, and provide a mini-review of it. Feel free to ask questions about the book, I can send those on to Crossway and/or the author himself too, if they are good enough.

Here’s today’s excerpt, an interesting look at the familiar tale of Romeo and Juliet.

…As fathers, we must teach our children to go beyond technical virginity to biblical purity. We must protect their hearts.

The classic illustration of this caution for fathers is Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. We usually think of Romeo and Juliet as a classic love story. However, we must remember that the principal characters paid for their illicit romance with their lives. Juliet is the classic example of an unprotected young woman who gave her heart away and paid a dear price. She “fell in love” with a young man she barely knew, hid the romance from her family, ignored all the warning signs, cherished stolen moments, committed herself irrationally and prematurely, and in the end died at her own hand.

Reading the story as a “neutral” or “passive” observer may leave you mourning the tragedy of two people who found “true love” and lost it because of their pigheaded families, but sifting the story through a biblical grid sheds a different light. You may say, “Romeo and Juliet is just a story.” However, I would argue that it is much more than that. In fact, I believe the only reason this story has stood the test of time is the fact that it depicts, although melodramatically, an all-too-familiar reality. Romeo and Juliet is the timeless story of the passion, bliss, and ignorance of young love (and of course, the foolishness of unresolved blood feuds).

This is a story that has been played out thousands, if not millions of times all across the globe. It may not always end in suicide (though sometimes it does), but it always ends with a price being paid. Sometimes that price is something as small as a romance that lives in the heart and mind of someone who ends up married to another. Other times the price is a dysfunctional marriage based on decisions made at the height of passion (and often rebellion). In any case, it is important to count the cost as we consider how we will approach the courtships of our daughters. [pages 167-168]

So, what do you think? Is he right? Do you have questions about his approach? You can find out more about the book at Crossway.com, or at its product page at Westminster Bookstore.

“Candle Prayers for Toddlers” by Juliet David

~ Bob Hayton ~ 3 Comments

Authors: Juliet David, illustrations by Helen Prole
Format: Hardcover
Page Count: 128
Publisher: Candle Books (distributed in the US by Kregel)
Publication Date: 2008
ISBN: 0825472016
Rating: 4 of 5 stars

There are many books for toddlers these days. Few are designed to teach them how to pray. Candle Prayers for Toddlers collects a wide assortment of prayers arranged by topic, and geared for tiny hearts. Topics include: Good Morning, Meal-times, Prayer time, Today, Me, Myself and I, All the People I love, Sorry, All things bright and beautiful, Extra-special days, Thank-you, Sweet Dreams, and While we Sleep.

With beautiful, eye catching illustrations, the simple message of this book comes through. Even a toddler, going about his or her daily life, can pray to God about everything.

Thanks for food and friends, for the day’s fun. Prayers for help and protection at day’s end. Prayers that rhyme, prayers that sing; and prayers borrowed from historical figures of ages past. This book has them all.

Some of the prayers may seem so simple they are trite. But the goal of the book is to introduce the concept of prayer to tiny minds and hearts. Whether your young one memorizes some of these prayers, or just hears them read so often they become part of the child, he or she is sure to benefit from this book. The diligent parent can use it to teach off the page, encouraging their toddler to see how prayer can be a part of each activity in life.

Aiming to direct the hearts of children to their Lord is a laudable goal. Juliet David and Helen Prole succeed in offering us a simple, fun, light-hearted book that can be a valuable tool in a Christian parent’s arsenal.

Disclaimer: this book was provided by the publisher for review. The reviewer was under no obligation to provide a positive review.

This book is available for purchase at the following sites: Amazon.com or direct from Kregel.

A Special Christmas Memory

~ fundyreformed ~ 1 Comment

This morning, I entered the first of 12 contests at Bible Geek Gone Wild. Shaun Tabatt is running a 12 Days of Christmas promotion there as an excuse to give away lots of free books.

Today’s contest asked the entrants to share a favorite Christmas memory. I’m usually not good with memories, but the one I have was a blessing to me in the remembering And I thought it’d be a great memory to blog about as well. So here goes…

It’s hard to pick a favorite memory. But one stands out from my childhood days.

My sister was either 2 or 3, and for me it was still a new thing to have a cute little sister (I was 6 years older than she). I believe Mom had her dressed up in a little red nightgown with a night cap on. The special gift for her was to be a Cabbage Patch doll. Rather than wrapping it up, Mom had it just sitting under the tree.

When I saw the gift, I was overcome with excitement for how little Katie would respond. Sure enough, she got up and rushed out to the tree and her eyes lit up with wonder and she grabbed her doll, treasuring it as only a little toddler can.

I think that Christmas was when I first learned that Christmas giving is not about me getting stuff, but about family and friends sharing love with one another. As the years passed from that day, the giving rather than receiving of gifts became more and more what I looked forward to at Christmas.

Now as a father of my own four little girls, I can’t wait to see the sparkle in their eyes this Christmas!

“Baby Bible Board Books (Collection #1)” by Edward & Sarah Bolme

~ Bob Hayton ~ 1 Comment

Authors: Edward & Sarah Bolme (Illustrated by Tim Gillette)
Format: Child’s Board Book
Page Count: 20/per book
Publisher: Crest Publications
Publication Date: 2003
ISBN: 0972554645
Rating: 5 of 5 stars

This collection of children’s bible story board books is absolutely charming. The pictures are bright and cute. The stories are simple and on a young child’s level. The book proves durable and is easy for little fingers to hold. Best of all, the Bible stories are told in a simple yet very relevant way.

As the father of four little girls (the oldest is in Kindergarten), I’ve seen many a Christian themed kid’s book. Many of them bend the Biblical text too much for my tastes. Some water down the message to the point I can’t share them with my children. These books, written by Edward and Sarah Bolme, not only pass my parental eye, but they are treasured by my girls as well. (I can’t keep them on my desk to review, without my girls taking them back and using them!)

Each book focuses on a specific Bible story, and includes the specific Biblical reference on the back cover. With just a few words per page, each story is told at a child’s level. The pictures include cute pets or other kid-friendly embellishments, but the story stays true to the text. What’s best with these stories is how the last page applies the story’s lesson to the child’s experience. These are not moral lessons about how to act, rather teach about who God is and how we can trust Him in our lives. A Bible verse is included with the application as well.

The four books cover the following stories. Jesus Stops a Storm — which means Jesus keeps us safe, as well. Jesus Heals a Little Girl — so Jesus makes us well, too. Jesus Helps a Blind Man — and He takes good care of us. And then Jesus Feeds the People — even as God gives us good food, too. These applications are at a child’s level, and there is ample opportunity to add additional teaching as you read the book with your child.

The artwork is professional, and very attractive to children ages 1-3 (whom the books are geared toward) and even older. I really can’t rate these books high enough.

Disclaimer: This book was provided by the publisher. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.

This book is available for purchase at the following sites: Amazon.com or direct from Crest Publications.

“Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God” by C.J. Mahaney

~ Bob Hayton ~ 2 Comments

This post finishes my review of Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God, by C.J. Mahaney, which I started here. I highly recommend this book, with but one caveat.

In Mahaney’s eagerness to use Song of Solomon as a Biblical description and instruction of marital intimacy, he falls prey to a wrong approach to interpreting that book. He pits an allegorical interpretation, which sees Christ and his Church as the key players in that song, against a “literal” interpretation, which sees Solomon talking about the joys of marital love. I am aware that some who used an allegorical interpretative scheme in approaching this book did so in such a way as to negate any application of what the song teaches about marital love. However, Mahaney’s approach, which is widespread and pervasive today, errs to an opposite extreme: in applying what the song says directly about marital love it denies any typographical use of the book. I see a third option, one which affirms that the book clearly praises the joys of marital love yet which also recognizes that Solomon’s Song is written within the framework of a redemptive history that the Bible records for us. And just as other Biblical stories foreshadow and describe the redemption Christ accomplished for His people, thereby enhancing our understanding of and appreciation of the Gospel (for instance Gal. 4:24ff.; 1 Cor. 10:4ff.; Rom. 15:4; Luke 24:27, 44-45ff.; and the obvious typography of the Tabernacle and offerings–whole book of Hebrews; see this category of posts for more information), so too the Song of Solomon may rightly be seen to describe the anti-type of which marriage is only a picture. Indeed all marriages are a picture of the abiding covenant love and joyful relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church (Eph. 5:31-32); and hence it would be proper to see Christ and His Church as ultimately referred to in this beautiful love poem.

Let me not fail to stress here that this really is an absolutely wonderful book on marriage. You need to get it and read it, especially if you are a husband—and even more so if you have already been married for some time. Below I will mention some specific points in the  book which I appreciated, beyond what I have already written. But before I do, I should refer you to a more competent review that what you will see here. Tim Challies has a good review at DiscerningReader.Com; however he may not agree with my caution concerning Mahaney’s interpretational approach to Song of Solomon. Now on to my excerpts and comments on the last four chapters of the book.

More than “The Act”

Most of the book teaches us men how to romance our wives and how to communicate effectively our love to them. Yet it purports to be a book about sex. Mahaney stresses that this is no contradiction: sex is more than just “the act”.

You see, what we express…and how we behave toward our wives in the days and hours before we make love is actually far more important than what we do when the clothes come off…Everything I say to my wife teaches her something about how I value her. Every touch, every kiss on the cheek, every note and gift, every brief phone call—as well as every act of selfish neglect—expresses something about my heart….So, to talk about romantic communication and creativity is not to delay talking about sex. It is to talk about what makes for the best sex.

Communication and sex are inseparable. It’s not as though sex is one thing and communication is something else. Life doesn’t divide into neat little compartments like that, especially when it comes to the oneness of marriage. It’s all one thing. (58-59)

Carefully Composed Words

I found Mahaney’s chapter on “The Language of Romance” to be very interesting. I was challenged to be more intentional in how I communicate with my wife, and to stop neglecting poetry as a means of arousing her love. I used poetry frequently before we were married, I should therefore use it even more, now that we are. Listen to Mahaney on this point:

…[Song of Solomon shows us] a category of communication set apart from the stuff of daily life….It is highly intentional, creative, provocative, erotic language. It’s purpose is to arouse romantic passion—to inflame slowly and intentionally, all the while honoring and delighting one’s spouse….Long before they begin to enjoy one another’s bodies, they excite one another’s minds with tender, creative speech. They model for us what it means to feel sexual passion and to articulate that passion. The language is highly poetic, romantically expressed, and exceptionally creative and imaginative. It is also unmistakably sexual.

The best sex begins with romance, and the best romance begins with the kind of speech we read in the Song of Solomon. It begins with carefully composed words….

Far from scorning carefully composed words, I should accept the lesson of Solomon’s Song and learn how to use them. Poetic language is a gift from God that can help me promote godly romance with my wife!

…How many times in the past week or month have you spoken to your wife in ways that she found to be romantically and perhaps erotically arousing? (60, 69-70)

Does Natural mean Not Spiritual?

Should lovemaking within marriage be considered a fundamentally spiritual activity? I believe the answer is an unqualified yes.

Is there a case to be made from Scripture that lovemaking is any less important to a marriage than praying together, studying the Bible together, or even attending church together? I don’t think so….

…let’s not see sex as merely a permissible part of marriage or something to be tolerated. Sex in marriage is mandatory and something to be celebrated! (See 1 Corinthians 7:35; Ephesians 5:31) Sex was created for marriage, and marriage was created in part for the enjoyment of sex. (74-75)

A Realistic Approach

…I am confident that a consistently God-glorifying approach to marital intimacy can improve any couple’s sex life significantly. But let’s keep in mind that we’re human, with limitations….On the subject of sexual expectations, Douglas Wilson has pointed out that while some meals are steaks, and some are macaroni and cheese, both are enjoyable. That’s wise counsel. So let your expectations be realistic, and enjoy. (87)

The Love Behind the Sex

Mahaney pointed out something about Song of Solomon that I had never considered. He stressed that Song of Solomon, while highly erotic, is a book about marital love. And he draws some important conclusions from that seemingly inconsequential point.

It’s remarkable how Solomon’s language, while obvious in its intent, is never biologically specific in a way that could be considered vulgar or clinical….that fact is itself full of meaning. Although sexual intercourse is certainly an ultimate expression of a married couple’s erotic encounter, it is not the outstanding central feature of this book. What is dominant in the Song is not any particular physical act. The book is not about sexual intercourse. Rather, it is about the remarkable nature of the couple’s overall relationship—in all its romance, yearning, desire, sensuality, passion, and eroticism….they do not desire to be together simply so they can experience sexual gratification. They want to be together because they are in love, albeit a powerful one…. (88-89)

A Word to Wives

I wanted lastly to mention that there is a great “word to wives” section written by C.J’s wife Carolyn. It is for the most part a reproduction of chapter 7 in her book Feminine Appeal. I read that section, too, and was impressed by Carolyn Mahaney’s wisdom. It like the entire book, is not so much a manual on how to make love, as it is an encouragement to have a deep and lasting joyful relationship with your mate which includes a proper valuing and enjoyment of sex.

This book is available for purchase at the following sites: Amazon.com or direct from Crossway.